Don‘t get it wrong this time, don’t get it wrong I told myself for the hundredth time today.
„According to information obtained by members of my spy network, the sabotage is planned out of a safe house close to the embassy on Arakesh road.“ I blurred out to my handler and his boss.
„What did I say?“ the handler asked triumphantly. „I knew we could trust him.“

God damnit again I thought, when I realized I told the truth and revealed the location I was supposed to keep secret. Again.

The boss nodded lightly. He sounded cautious, but content: „it appears so we can trust Dr. Livingston. Thank you Doctor, the people of B‘Yelano owe you for your services. Your information is going to save hundreds of lifes.“ He paused for a moment and added „If your information proves to be true.“

I did not dare to say anything. I learned the hard way only to speak, when asked. Too fresh is the memory of prison on D‘Yalak, the home planet of the other war party. The other war party‘s sabotage act I was supposed to keep a secret. I had provided General Kenta with the location of the safe house, a mission to redeem my status as an agent. The General, as well as his B‘Yelan counterpart both employ me as agent, double-agent, triple-agent. I lost count how often I changed the side and revealed things. I‘m in the thousands now, at least. But for some reason they still trust me.
If my therapist is to be believed, it’s because I’m a Doctor. Though I’m not really a Doctor

„I check in with Observation to get a look on the house. Possibly we can liquidate them tonight“ my handler told us, while standing up and moving to leave the room.

His boss, a Colonel by rank, nods lightly again and offered me a cup of Hogosha tea down the road, at the tea house by the lake. I accept knowing I don’t have a choice. We leave the building in silence.
At the time we‘ve grabbed our tea and walk by the lake I‘m as nervous as on my first day on the job. I‘m well aware what it means if an officer invites you for tea. A new mission awaits me.

The colonel leans against a tree for wind protection to light a cigarette, when he suddenly exclaimed: „Are you out of your fucking mind? Why would you tell us this. If General Kenta gets wind of this, you’re spending the rest of your life in prison.“.

His sharp tone in his voice scares me and the paranoia kicks in. Why is he saying that? Is he saying that because he wants to protect his double-triple-quadruple-agent or is he himself a double agent?.

To win some time I take another sip from my tea. I understand why so many employees of the agency spend their breaks at the tea house.

„I‘m tired, Colonel.“ I tell him speaking truly. I pause for a brief moment and start walking away. Away from the lies and deception. Away from a war that already killed thousands of souls in over a decade.
Truth be told I don‘t know how long I can stay out of it this time. Two weeks would be nice. I could use some vacation.