"Oh man, you made a party and I wasn't invited until it came to bloodshed?"

A arbalest bolt whizzed right past me. I almost flinched there! Would've been a shame to show weakness when THE Raphaël called me, a little ol' baron of hell.

"Greetings to you too, Beelzebub. Usually, I would attack you on sight, however- well, I think you see why I will not do that today."

The angel turned away from the landscape of war to face the smoking-hot demon, me. I mean, both figuratively and literally. There's no AC in hell- and how would you call someone that looks 28, is dressed in a fine black three-piece suit with assorted gloves? Smoking. Only missing the cig', but to be honest, I've got my hands in a thousand vices but i'm not touching this one. As for him- is it a him? You'd think so with the commanding voice- but it lacks gender-specific features. Oh, and the formless, ball-of-light-with-eyes-on-ribbon-around-it thing? Yeah, I'll stick to the simple suit and tie. Seriously, is there fashion up there?

"You seem pensive, demon."

"I mean, why wouldn't I be?"

I took my hip flask, and downed the rest of the whiskey. I had a feeling I'd better have a buzz for what they were about to ask of me. That, and I knew what he was going to say. Here it comes...

"I thought you were informed of the situation, with the millions of flies roaming around this place, feeding on the lost sheep that are rotting down there."

I sighed, took out the bottle of hand sanitizer from the same pocket I took my hip flask, and started cleaning my hands, the movement reminiscent of a fly patiently cleaning its front legs. Meticulous, mechanical moves. At this point, it's an automatism, I'm not even doing this on purpose. It calms me down. I needed this, because that guy's voice almost gave me a headache.

"And this is why you guys should have social media. You can't rely on a book whose original printing has been lost to time, guys. My domain isn't related to the diptera order of animals; but to everything related to pride, and most importantly, parties. But hey, it's a pretty wide term, so don't you worry your pretty little heads over what that means for that battlefield down there. Speaking of this, lemme guess: because of your stupid non-interference rule, you need me to clean after you, make sure those two armies stop painting the landscape red and maybe decapitate the tyrant that started this because he had a quote on quote «revelation» from your little daddy. Did I miss anything?"

"No, you are indeed a fearful demon, to know this much from this little information."

"Yeah, yeah, good thing you paid me in advance when you summoned me, because I can't stand to hear you talking. So, where is the crowned head you want to see rolling on the floor? Oh and don't bother telling me what a righteous act I'm about to do, I'm here because I got paid."

The angel, stunned by my response, only moved slightly, and a lower angel, with a body close to a human's, pointed in the direction of the white-clad army's command center.

I unsheathed my twin swords, which, to the untrained eye, look like a pair of wings... A fly's wings.

"Alright, party crasher, coming through!"