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telpereon t1_izqwm0j wrote

"What the hell happened!?!? Your KID happened!!!" he snarls, ripping his arm out of my hand.

Radar Yves glared at me and then at Gedeon. I felt the waves of electromagnetic energy ripple off him warming the surface of my skin that faced him. Metallic objects around me began to jitter and vibrate. I saw radio waves start fading away in a growing sphere around Yves.

The air even wavered as his powers effected the light rays in the entryway of my house.

His eyes snapped back to me and the emissions of his powers dissipated with a crack of static electrical energy.

We have fought against each other for years. I had even been looking for him just a few hours ago in my afternoon patrol of Heldstadt. I try to remember what I knew about him from the years I have been fighting him. Things like how he had reacted at each encounter. Getting him to jail, held against the possible damage and pain he could cause. The deaths.

That was why he had been locked up this last time before he had escaped again.

The deaths were still deaths. Even if it is clearly involuntary manslaughter.

That had just started to be an issue, he had kill that guard this time. He had until a month ago only killed three people that I know of and in no way were they on purpose. That attack on the National Eddison Array Complex had been the one crime I could think of that he killed anyone in. He fought me, sure. Regularly and mostly to losses or draws. But he was careful not to kill anyone.

I always thought he was scared of serious jail time.

And while he hated me and does try to kill me all the time he is generally fixated on me once I show up which helps. He seems to always just snap and dive for me. That has minimized the damage as well as made it easier for me to capture or at least drive him off in defeat.

In a few short seconds he began to break down. Some kind of fear became clear on his features, in his body language. His eyes reddened with tears. He even began to shake or shiver in waves.

He began to blather as his eyes lost focus and he seemed to drift into his own world, "How had I never understood? All those times....ALL OF THEM. You...You?! Why? Why did you not just end me?"

He glances at me like a frightened child.

"Transformation of energy? I always assumed it was strictly kinetic energy transfer and transformation. Stupid! STUPID!!."

"You were worried about the damage to the people around you. Haahahahahah. Actual concern. Hero, right?"

He drifted into himself again in both body and mind. Shrinking in to himself right before my eyes.

"Heroes...right" he says quietly to himself more than anyone.

Gedeon still stands beside me.

I looked at him as Yves keeps on talking about damage, people, heroes, and me in a ramble of quickly replaced ideas as they streamed through his thoughts. Gedeon watched Radar Yves as he talked without looking at me. Calm and unmoving with the look on his face that he had just been caught doing something I had told him not to or that he knew would get him into trouble.

I looked back at Yves and that was when it hit me. Gedeon thought he was in trouble? Gedeon?

My eyes fell back on Gedeon and I asked, "What happened?"

"What happened? What happened?!" Yves said in a loud voice edged with growing hysteria. I turned back to him.

He laughed.

"All that damage...I have never know where you live...did you know that? Never. And I had never thought you could just, like do that. Never...nope...never knew...." He drifted away again.

"If I had not called for you! God!"

What was he rambling about? I thought.

"I just was running for home...You know? My lair...the Radar Array. First place I go every time. I got lucky."

"You had already finished afternoon patrol. I had been hiding until that happened next to the prison. Thought I was so smart! So smart!!"

"Last place they would look," he said to himself. "Last place. The prison." More laughter.

He seemed to be getting worst. Falling apart inside as he remembered what happened. Gedeon said nothing beside me. Seemed to refuse to take his eyes off Yves or look at me.

Yves looked at me again.

"You think you can just keep me in check? Just enough power to keep me out there in the world? A nemesis to the great hero! The great family man!" He laughed again.

I was so confused. Gedeon? What had happened...

"Come on, Yves. What is wrong with you?" I asked without trying to touch him again despite the fact I wanted to shake him with my bare hands.

"YOUR KID!!!" he yelled at me pointing at Gedeon.

"Powers are passed on genetically from father to son. Just like me and my dad, you and your son." He jabbed his pointing finger at Gedeon while not looking at him. One of his powers is location with a radar like ability. He knows were everything is within a specific radius....about 300 yards in every direction for sure.

Yves pointed at the TV next, "Just turn it on. To any channel!" He waved his hand around like it was on fire.

"That beam. I had seen it coming. Only me but that's my power right? I don't know what he was doing but I saw its effect...ya for sure I saw its effect."

Effect?

I looked at Gedeon. He actually takes a step away from me. I saw it clearly now. Like the time I caught him with that puppy....

"He ripped them apart trying to get to me. The beam had not even tried to avoid them. He had not even tried to avoided them!..."

"They had screamed for him to stop!!"

"Killed them all" the last three words were spoken in a whisper of grief.

"Thirty seven children from his school...Thirty seven...gone...." He was crying now.

Gedeon smiled.

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ChloeWrites t1_izrccwn wrote

So... I sincerely don't understand what happened here. The nemesis was all over the place and normally being vague with clues helps. But, not this time. All I know is Gedeon killed 37 kids

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mattzuma77 t1_izrieh6 wrote

I think it's something like:

• Yves appears at Gedeon's school

• Gedeon saw his parent and Yves fight, and thinks it's actually important that Yves is stopped

• Gedeon shoots Yves

• the laser fries the rest of the classroom

• Gedeon is happy about this suddenly, because edge is so cool, man~

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telpereon t1_izsnnh5 wrote

So not so bad, that is generally what I was going for right there. Leading the reader to a place where we understand that Gedeon, the Hero's son is really the bad guy. A very Dark Bad Guy (even if he is a kid) but with Yves, the Crazy getting us there. And with the Hero confirming it in the end.

​

Yves is trying to get to his lair after avoiding the Father. His crimes have escalated a bit so we are supposed to find him a 'unreliable' character which we learn as we read.

As his is crossing town he come into contact with the classroom or gathering that has Gedeon's classroom/fellow school students at it. This is also near Father and Gedeon's home...so school?

As Mattzuma77 said, Gedeon and Yves fight briefly. Yves calls Father for help...Shouts (intended to show something is, was, or is becoming off with Yves) thinking Father is somewhere around because Gedeon's powers have show he is Father's son ("passed from you to your son"). We don't know what it was but Yves clearly figured it out. Maybe he only figured it out when the door opened. Who knows?

Now Superman might have heard but not Father. Gedeon still responds to Father's name being invoked as a child generally would (Just wait until your Dad gets here kinda thing) and Yves takes him (I really wanted readers to think Gedeon takes Yves home with the comments Yves makes but that may not have worked) to the family home.

Because at this point Yves is broken. He killed a person, got caught while still highly stressed from the escape, running and hiding, and now has just witnessed the death of children at the hands of a Hero's kid. A child. Not so 'nemesis'y behavior...is Yves really Father's nemesis then?

For known and unknown reasons Yves goes off the deep end but now he fears Father has been intentionally not wasting Yves flat out in their fights. Yves believes Father could (to me the kinetic piece is trying to lead readers there but that is more technical info: three ways energy can be transformed). But again Yves is 'unreliable.' I wanted the readers to bring their impressions to the story and put it together in a way that makes sense to themselves (edit: thought this was important)

...not sure how you do that but I was trying for it lol.

Yves babbles, its hard to follow, what is he trying to say?? Keep the reader guessing is what I was hoping for.

And if you are wondering but I hoped it would stand out, I am showing that Father had a clue about Gedeon being off (birth of a serial killer off btw) but I wanted to make a connection between the moment we all learn Gedeon is worst than Yves by far.

Sooo my goal was take Father's Nemesis (? not sure he even reads like that, hoping the prompt start the reader in that spot, not what I wrote) and make the Son a worst Nemesis perhaps but definitely more a Bad Guy. Yves had never killed on purpose...Gedeon killed children and when he had not needed too. That 'not needed to' does not come out well in my mind for sure.

This is a case it feels like were I have had trouble getting the reader to follow along with my intent. Sorry about that. This is really to practice writing again and try working on things like that. Thanks for the information, I do appreciate it.

Lets see if I get it better next time :)

(edit: I could go on for hours apparently as I have just spent the last hour reconstructing in my head the story up to the door opening lol - I may have overthought this a bit lol)

- Telpereon

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