“Look, Sir Marwin. Lady Rina sits still at the lakeshore awaiting the return of her long-lost prince. Isn’t it romantic? A love story come to life.”

“Ok, look. Ever since I moved to this Kingdom this has bugged me. Until now I’ve stayed my tongue for fear of execution, but…God I can’t contain it any longer.”

“Speak freely, Sir Marwin. Tell me of what it is that bothers you so.”

“That’s a lake right? The ‘Lake of Longing’?”

“Yes. Named for our Lady’s devotion to the great love of her life.”

“Ok, but it’s a fucking lake…”

“…I’m not sure what you’re getting at, good sir.”

“The dude didn’t sail off to war across a god damn lake. Why the hell does she think he’s gonna float in from across the lake? It’s a small lake for god’s sakes. You can see the other side!”

“But….Sir Marwin. I was there on the day that Lord Humphrey sailed into battle. It was a most somber affair. He climbed aboard a small vessel at the lakeshore—the very place our Lady stands to this day— and sailed away and into battle.”

“You must tell me then: was this a foggy day? Was visibility poor? Did other men go into battle?”

“Why…yes it was a very foggy day. Our Lady oft remarks that her love was swallowed by the clouds. And a small crew ventured off with our Lord but the others had already ventured into battle in the hinterlands.”

“Ok…and how did these other men go to battle? By horseback I imagine?”

“Well, yes. But Lord Humphrey said that there was strategic benefit to his seafaring mission. He would flank the enemy and this maneuver would prove the death-knell of the resistance.”

“Come on. Surely I needn’t pull out a map and show you how he could never have possibly ‘flanked’ anyone. He would have been sailing north while the battle raged 100 miles south of here.”

“Sir Marwin, it is not my place—nor yours—to question the strategic acumen of one such as Lord Humphrey. Surely he had his reasons.”

“Tell me, what is across the lake? Is there a town?”

“Yes, Sir. A town most foul. We are forbidden to step foot in that disgusting place by order of Lady Rina.”

“Yeah. That does it.”

“Whatever do you mean, Sir Marwin.”

“That dude isn’t at battle! He never was. He sailed across the lake to the town, and probably had a bender—probably stumbled his way through a brothel or two. My guess is Lady Rina found out and told him to stay the hell away.”

“Blasphemy! I will not tolerate such words. Do not besmirch the good names of Lord Humphrey and Lady Rina. I say, Sir Marwin. Take your leave of me at once and never speak of this treachery again.”

Sir Marwin bowed and walked away. Lady Rina turned away from the lake and walked toward her attendant.

“Ah Lady Rina, how was thine time at the Lakeside.”

“Oh, fine Cyril, just fine. No sign of that philandering bastard. Probably either drunk in a gutter or dead in the streets.”

“Excellent, my Lady, last time you sighted him it was not a pretty sight.”

“Indeed. ‘Tis wise my father taught me archery and how to light a fire. That bastard won’t try to sail across any time soon. And god knows he’s too lazy to walk the 2 miles around the lake.”

“Hell hath no fury, right my Lady?”

“Damn right, Cyril. Any news for me?”

“Nothing of import. Sir Marwin has volunteered for the war effort in the South. I suggest we send him on his way by morning.”

“Ah, after conquest and glory I see.”

“Something like that.”