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ForwardCrow9291 t1_j0sloz9 wrote

Jeff was just sitting in his living room watching his favorite show, when a loud rumble shook his building.

He stood up from his "couch", an unfortunate intern named Herb who he had been sitting on and waved for his program to stop. The free-for-all "MMA" match, to determine who would get health benefits for the following year, paused, as the bloody combatants waited for Jeff's signal to continue again.

"Probably just one of my giant rockets going off" Jeff chuckled, snorting with excitement. Herb braced himself for Jeff to sit back down, but the golden doors to the room, etched with the names of each employee fired for taking a bathroom break, swung open.

A man with a tremendous mustache rode into the room on a flaming steed.

"BEZOS" he boomed. "This is the end for you!"

Jeff noticed the logos of several companies dangling from the man's belt- Google, Apple, Monsanto, and Disney.

"You... You'll never take me" Jeff screamed. "Get him Herb!"

The man on horseback stormed forward and grabbed Jeff, then tossed him down into the MMA ring. He leapt from the horse to join Jeffrey in the ring. Herb stood frozen, uncertain of what to do.

"He'll put you all out of a job! Don't you like working here?!" Jeff yelled to the employees battling in the ring. Reluctantly, the contenders rose to fight the mustachioed man along with their tyrant boss.

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Janus-Moth OP t1_j0spvh5 wrote

OOH! Do you plan to make a part 2 cuz that was a nice cliffhanger or ending, however you want it to go!

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ForwardCrow9291 t1_j0st017 wrote

Lmao part 2 is just "then Teddy beat them all up and fed Bezos to his pet bear. The employees got other jobs and therapy and realized they were better off not working for an egotistical megalomaniac. The end"

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InkDiamond t1_j0swvfb wrote

I also thought this was funny. There are a lot of good shots in here.

I would be wary of sentence length though. Sometimes the story was slightly hard to understand because there was just so much info in a given sentence. Starting off paragraphs with bite-sized sentences will make the writing flow better

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