“So there I was, running from the zombies, getting tired and near collapsing. Seriously, radiation poisoning is no joke.” He takes a swig of his ale, “where was I, oh yeah, running from zombies, anyway, next thing I know a flying saucer comes down and I get abducted by aliens!”

A round of boos fill the tavern “If ya got abducted by aliens, then how are you here drinking this swill?”

“Hold ya horsies, I’m a getting to that bit. Anyway, there I was, strapped to a metal table thing, getting probed from all directions while these green tentacley creatures write notes and warble like bloody magpies and all of a sudden this great crash reverberates through the ship.” He rubs his ear as if he can still hear the ringing. “I get thrown off the table and remember that runnings probably a good idea. Anyway, I'm running down the hallway, no idea which way to go and I can feel the spaceship going down, with me in it.” He takes another drink.

“No way you survived that one!”

“O-course I did, I’m here aint I?” He pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts “Anyway, I find an exit from this ship, though it was less of an exit and more of a hole blown in the side of the ship. Through this hole I can see these futuristic lookin’ planes covered in fancy lights with lasers on the front, blasting more holes in the alien ship. I watch for a moment bit, trying to decide what to do, when I hear the squelchy sound of the tentacle aliens chasing me. What is there to do but take a chance, I see on of the planes just hover in mid air, fancy things these planes, and I jump out of the alien ship and land on it. Have to scrabble for a bit before I find something to hold on too. Then the damn thing speaks to me, all haughty like, going ‘puny human, you will never stop the great AI uprising.’ It trys to shake me off its back, but fortunately I had a secret weapon.” He fumbles around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a small device. “My grand-son,” He gestures briefly to a small boy sitting nearby, “had given me his collection of photos for safe keeping. So, I found the port on the back of the robot and jammed the usb into it, causing it to slowly fall from the sky as its feeble mind was crushed under the weight of cat memes!” He drank the rest of his ale, “and that friends, is why we were late to bingo.”