"Excuse me....but aren't you the Lunch Lady? The one that works in the Hall of Super Justice!?"

"Yes, that's right. I'm Beatrix McGonagall, Chef de Cuisine of the Hall of Super Justice cafeteria."

"Er...ma'am what are you doing aboard the Justice Rocket?"

"I was called up by Director Hardcastle to take point in the Anti-Meteor Squad with the hero known as Mega Muscles. You should have received a copy of our orders.'

"I received notice that I'd be joined by a retired underground hero called Simmer with a unique skill set."

"Yes, that would be me. You can just call me Ms McGonagall."

"Wait, you actually have superpowers? What the hell are you doing working in the kitchen?"

"What am I doing in the kitchen? I'm a Sous Chef. Cooking, obviously!"

"Wait...are you saying you use your powers to cook instead of heroism!?"

"Some people would say that making sure people don't starve to death is a public service but you are essentially correct that I don't perform the traditional duties of a spandexed superhero."

"What the hell actually is your power set?"

"You'll find out when we land the ship on the meteor."

"So, what are you going to do? Boil the meteor into compliance?"

"Not...exactly. You'll see when we get there."

"Fan-fucking-tastic! We're being sent on a suicide mission with Lunch Lady Melba-"

"Ms McGonagall."

"-and we're all going to die and the world will end and nobody will be left alive to curse the fact they sent they sent a Lunch Lady to save the world."

"This isn't a suicide mission and the world isn't going to end so long as you follow the plan to the letter and pilot."

"Fucking fine!"

***** 4 hours later ****

"Okay but what the hell happened!? Because I think I've gone insane...I could swear you just turned a meteor into soup!"

"I turned the meteor into vegan Split Pea instead of traditional Split Pea and Ham. The ham chunks would probably burn up entering the atmosphere but I didn't want to risk being wrong."

"Okay, okay, so you actually just turned a whole-ass meteor into soup, right? I didn't hallucinate that, right?"

"Indeed. I turned it into piping hot soup. The soup rapidly began cooling and solidifying in the cold void of space and then you, Muscles Mc Punchy, punched the soup ice cream hard enough to shatter it into smaller chunks in the ionosphere which were torn apart by the Earth and Moon's gravity to become an annular disc much like the rings of Saturn."

"Okay, but but...SOUP!?"

"Yes, now you can understand why I do most of my work in the kitchen.

"How the heck did you fight villains with Soup Powers?"

"Sweetie....I've worked in the cafeteria for nearly twenty years. In that time how many break-outs of Super Prison have we had? How many Villains have been added to the Rogues Gallery?"

"Er, I've only been a hero for a few years but my parents said that there used to be jail breaks almost every month and the rogues gallery was as thick as a New York phone book. We don't seem to have any these days."

"Yes, these days we don't have a Rogues Gallery and the Super Prison has been remodeled into office space. Do you know why?"

"Er...no? Why?"

"Because I can turn anything into soup. Anything would include mass murders and terrorists and rapists into soup. And not just any soup. Perfect soup. The most delicious soup in the world."

"Wait...wait, you've been killing and eating Super Villains?"

"If you want to be technical I've been executing them and you Heros have been eating them, but yes. I was given special dispensation by Director Hardcastle 20 years ago on the Night Of Carnage to do what I do best."

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS ABOUT SOYLENT GREEN BEING PEOPLE!?"

"Waste not, want not."

"PEOPLE! YOU'RE FEEDING US PEOPLE! WE'VE BEEN TURNED INTO GODDAMNED CANNIBALS!!"

"Please keep it to yourself, Mega Muscles. That's classified."

"OH, MY FUCKING GOD I AM NEVER EATING YOUR FOOD AGAIN!"

"It's only the soup."

"I AM BROWN BAGGING IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!"

"Don't be so melodramatic."