Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

AstroRide t1_ivyj2a2 wrote

##Crying in the Corner

Linda sits in the corner booth at the diner staring at her cup of coffee. A few tears drip into the coffee obscuring her reflection. She sniffles several times and covers her nose with her hand. In spite of her efforts, her weeps escape her mouth and alert the diner to her sadness.

Xavier walks up to the counter and places forty dollars in front of the cashier, Grace. He leans close to her.

"That should be enough to pay for whatever she orders. Keep the change." Grace nods her head, and Xavier puts on his raincoat before he leaves. She takes the money and walks back to the cook, Miguel.

"What did she order?" Grace gestures to Linda.

"So far just coffee. However, I noticed her staring at the loaded breakfast so I started cooking that for her," Miguel says. Grace grabs the menu to check the price.

"Two waffles, scrambled eggs, two sausages, and grits. Comes to about thirty-five dollars with tax." Grace holds out the money. "A man stopped by earlier and gave this to pay for her food."

"Oh, I was already planning on making this meal on the house. Why don't you put that forty dollars in the children's hospital jar," Miguel says.

"Good idea." Grace puts the money inside the jar.

While the two of them talk, Hank has been reading the news in the booth next to Linda. The rain comes down harder outside his window. Hank turns around and sees that Linda's umbrella is old and has a large hole in it. Hank's umbrella is next to hers and is in pristine condition. When Hank finishes reading the news, he steps out of his seat and grabs Linda's umbrella. Using his foot, he moves his umbrella closer to her.

Sarah views the entire scene from the diner counter. Linda wipes her nose several times with her sleeve. After paying her bill with a generous tip, Sarah walks to Linda and produces a packet of tissues from her purse.

"Here, there's about fifty left in there. Use them whenever." Linda pushes the tissues back to Sarah, but Sarah holds out her hand. "No, I insist. You need it more than me."

As Sarah leaves the diner, Linda begins using the tissues instead of her sleeve. She looks around the diner for a trashcan. Tyler who's been sitting on the opposite side of the diner pushes the small trashcan closer to her.

Miguel finishes cooking the loaded breakfast and puts everything on a tray. Grace takes the tray and walks over to Linda. Linda views this action with suspicion.

"I didn't order this," Linda says.

"It's on the house. If you want anything else, just ask," Grace replies.

"Thank you." Linda smiles through the tears.

"No problem. I have no idea what you're going through, but I hope we've helped a little today." Grace smiles as she goes back behind the counter.


r/AstroRideWrites

5

Restser t1_iwennzw wrote

Hey, Astro. I think you've nailed this one. Loved it to bits. A three-sixty-degree view of the aftermath of an event we haven't seen yet can infer. Cheers.

1

AstroRide t1_iwizk8e wrote

Thank you for the compliment. Glad you enjoyed it.

1

katpoker666 t1_iwnhhc9 wrote

Hey Astro—this was heartwarming and wholesome as fudge.

A couple small things:

  • Her weeping, I think? >> In spite of her efforts, her weeps escape her mouth and alert the diner to her sadness.
  • I wish we knew a little more about Xavier in context. I get that he could be an anonymous figure, but did he walk in with her? After? Also maybe leave him unnamed as he doesn’t appear named elsewhere in the story?
  • I love how everyone is so nice to her and generally. The one thing id say is there are an awful lot of names to keep track of. Eg maybe don’t name the couple in the booth with the umbrella
  • And this last part is a really small thing, but fifty tissues is more like a box than a purse pack which is ten. Silly thing, but took me out for a sec Overall, really great tale
1

AstroRide t1_iwo6sx7 wrote

Thank you for the critique. I do admit that this a large cast of characters, and I went overboard on naming (I was trying to avoid constantly going a man/a woman). Also, I don't know how many tissues are in a packet so I guessed what I thought was a reasonable number lol. Glad you enjoyed it.

2