The customer began: "My dear Sir, I am aware that you are lovers of nature and gua.."
Oh, I wonder when the world will ever know Nature as it truly is. Every human is the same. What are these kids even learning in their schools!

Lovers of nature? Guardian of the Forest? What fools!

I can’t say any of this aloud even though it echoes throughout my mind every time a human meets me to make use of my services.

“Before you say anything, I have to make myself clear”, I sighed.

“There are many druids of nature. We all have spirit animals an- deities? Alright, if it helps you understand, let’s call them deities, yes. Cig has the tobacco plant, Myx has the Siberian tiger, Wik there was blessed by the pine tree. And so on. Everyone is given different ones during our ceremony.”

“So what is your deity then, Maxilius?”, the man before me asked.

“Just Max. Anyway, I was bestowed and blessed by the parasitic worms. On land, water, plants, animals. They are all my spirit animals.”, I replied.

“My duty is not to create a new forest or protect an animal species from danger. I live to destroy, you understand?”

The man looked shocked and remained speechless. This always happens, people expect me to be like the others. The other druids do not like me much because I essentially ruin their work but that’s not my fault. I obey my spirit guide’s instincts and assist my customers for money, just like them.

After several arguments and fights, I opened my shop quite far away from the others. I made this decision when a customer paid me to destroy a few pine trees that had crept up in her house. Wik was livid. He threatened to destroy me, but the Chief dissuaded him.

My thoughts were interrupted by the hoarse guffawing of the man in front. Once he calmed himself, he pulled out a cigar and a matchbox. It looked quite fancy. Fancier than ones Cig helps make.

Lighting the cigar, he said, “Well, that’s just perfect then.”

“What do you mean?”, I asked.

“Now that I gots you, I don’t need niceties. The ones o’er there", he gestured to the main camp, "they don’t understand me, they’re dumbos. I’m a real-estate guy. I got this ugly swamp land I wanna use. Got it real cheap from some sucker.

“I was thinking…why not just bulldoze ‘em trees, dump dirt on that cesspool, build a park, and turn a profit?”

He looked at me as if he wanted my opinion. I gave him the same stone-faced look I gave to every customer’s “brilliant ideas”.

“Anyways, I brings up the tools and those foolish swamp lovers raise the trees and chase my men! They got me ‘dozers too! I want you to show ‘em who’s boss!

“Infest them with your gunk and slime and all that crap of yours. Kid, I tell you..you do this for me, you don’t gotta work anymore! Destroy that swamp for me!”

Well, this was certainly interesting.

All my usual requests hinged on revenge against some particular plants or animals. Giant trees wanting creepers to rot. Rabbits requesting sickness on a flock of deers. Humans who detested cockroaches or lizards in their houses.

“I understood your passionate speech, but I must tell you again. I am a druid of nature.”

“Got it.”, he shouted immediately, “you just gotta kill them all, kid!”

“Kid? I was born centuries before you, child. Mind your tongue.”, I replied with a tone of anger in my voice.

“You don’t look the part, though!,” he laughed before he continued seriously, “Look, destroy the swamp, you gets paid. That’s it.”

“I am not a monster, child. Nor am I here to annihilate for your needs. My spirit guides live on others, but they seek not the destruction of their source. They are as much nature as other beings.”

“You wanna listen to ‘em yucky dumb worms or the jingle of coins as you become a free man? Look at this situation properly!”, he retorted.

“Do you seek the punishment of my guides, fool? Begone from this place!”, I yelled out loud.

The twisted ambitions of humans were common knowledge to me, but I could not accept such vulgarity.

“Bah, you’re just useless as the rest. Someone outta really get rid of ya hippies and your trashy “deities”. “ He spit at the ground.

I cannot let this human go freely anymore.

“You fool! Look at your hand. Look at your legs. Look at your shoulders. My deities have made you, their home.

“And their meal.”

Twisting my fingers, I ordered the parasites resting throughout his body to erupt out. I guided and fed every worm on every inch of him, until he became silent. I bowed before the mass of worms which swirled and slithered about the ground and took my place behind the counter.

Waiting for the next customer.