Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

BlightFantasy3467 OP t1_ixsaz2v wrote

Reply to comment by rulethem in [WP] You are the Big Bad, you've been purposefully sending weaker minions to the Hero and their party, in order to strengthen them for the final confrontation. All you seek, is a worthy death. by BlightFantasy3467

Pretty good,

Just one gripe that I have.

Stop using contractions in your more powerful moments. It takes away from their Importance.

For example "...for I'm your worst mistake."

Does not have the emphasis of the character, such that

"...for I am your worst mistake." would.

Using contractions makes your authoritive characters seem weaker, less important, more casual.

It's fine if say, your character was some average teenager or something. E.g. "Don't tell me what to do!" Sounds like they're throwing a tantrum.

But if a king were to say it, their words would be less threatening. Instead they would say "Do not tell me what to do!" It gives their words a power to it, a weight to their words.

Also, say you were doing an essay, and it had a minimum word limit, not using contractions can pad out your word count.

12

rulethem t1_ixshrjr wrote

That's a fantastic catch! Thanks for taking the time to write it so thoroughly. I have edited the contractions out and I completely agree.

Also, great prompt! It made Mergoloth pop right into my mind, a troubled, unkillable king that is tired of life but whose religion prohibits him from dying unless defeated in an honorable battle--a very conflicted and torturous combination, which should yield an interesting character if written well

8