The Hero's Union was, quite frankly, a colossal failure. Not only did they keep foiling my plans, stopping my schemes, and throwing me in jail; but now they decided to go on strike. And none of the bastards would cross the line to defend the damn city.

Pathetic.

"Ma'am, please remain indoors." The man on the other line of the phone said. "Help is on the way... hopefully."

I scoffed, and placed my ornate phone back in the ancient cradle. There was nothing more that the police could do. Worthless peons.

I sighed, and reached a frail hand towards my reading glasses. A long, black leg got to them first, gently scooping them up in its tiny claws and handing them to me.

"Thank you, dear." I said, smiling my warmest grandmotherly expression at my spider minion. "I'm afraid we're going to need to go out soon. Could you be a sweetheart and summon the brood?"

My Goliath Bird-Eater spider bowed slightly, then scurried out of sight. I grabbed my 8-legged walker, and with the help of several spiderwebs, rose to my feet. I took a deep breath, and began incanting in the language of creation itself.

#S̸̹̑P̸̪͆I̶͕̒Ḑ̴͊E̵̘̅R̴̛̙S̴̭̀,̷̱̏ ̴̝́ A̷̜͗Ŕ̷̖Ă̵̺Ć̷̨H̵̳͗N̷̏ͅḬ̸̈́D̴̛ͅS̸͉͝,̸̯̉ ̵̣͝C̶̨̾Ṙ̶̞Ê̴͓A̷̩̒T̴̝͂Ú̷̱Ṟ̴͗E̷̘͌S̸͙͗ ̶͓̈́ O̸̠͂F̷͚͂ ̵̬̈ Ṭ̵̀H̸̟͝Ė̶̬ ̷̛̣N̸͚̅I̶̯̚G̸͖̿H̴̭̅T̷̻̓,̷̩̒ ̸̙̊I̴̦̕ ̷̜͐S̵̟͠U̴̪̅M̶̞͊M̸̥̔Ŏ̷̹N̴͍͝ ̴͖͒ T̷͉̚H̸͓̎È̷͇E̷̥͂ ̷̢́F̵̦̓O̷̺̿R̵̗̍ ̸̧̏ B̸̨̔A̸͓͒T̶͠ͅT̷̢̎L̸̜͘Ē̸

I coughed slightly as the demonic words left my mouth. The feeling of the words always reminded me of the texture of a slightly old apricot, or the strange store brand of denture cream I once used by mistake.

My spider minions surrounded me, growing in number and size by the second. Well, I called them my spider minions, but it was technically every spider in range. In this case, it was every creature with 6 or more legs in the tri-state area.

My favorite Goliath Bird-Eater returned, leading a parade of golden orb weaver spiders to me. With practiced speed and skill, they formed my villainous costume around me, weaving their magnificent webs in intricate patterns. At last, once they had formed my face mask, the spiders clutched my earlobes, dangling like a demented set of earrings.

"Could one of you remind me to take my Dementia pills when we get back?" I asked. Millions of spiders clamored to be the first to volunteer.

"You're all so sweet, my dearies." I said, petting the Goliath tarantula as he perched on my walker. "Now, let's stop these pesky invaders. I would hate it if they destroyed my favorite park."

With a surge of legs and fangs, my legion marched. We would not let someone else have all the fun. Not while Grandmommy Longlegs still had a say about it.

/r/SlightlyColdStories