“Ah, another mortal who has fallen for my charms. It’s almost too easy. Come now, I’ll draw you in with my song of love. OOOOH WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DRUNKEN SAILOR? WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DRUNKEN SAILOR? WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DRUNKEN SAILOR? BOATS ARE REALLY BORING. PUT THE CAPTAIN IN A JAR IF HE’S NAUGHTY, PUT THE CAPTAIN IN A JAR IF HE’S NAUGHTY, PUT A CAPTAIN IN A JAR, EARLY IN THE MORRRRRNING.”

Xali watched as the sailor cringed, nearly sinking as he covered his ears. The momentary stop of his paddling causing the rough sea waves to rattle him, nearly pulling him under. Soon the sailor gritted their teeth, continuing their paddling towards the shoreline where the siren laid, trying desperately to avoid listening to anymore of that horrible slaughtering of a beloved song.

“Works every time. He was so stunned by my beauty that he nearly drowned. Another verse for my sailor friend? WAAAAAAY HEY ROUGH DISGUISES, WAAAAY HEY ROUGH DISGUISES, WAAAAY HEY, ROUGH DISGUISES, EARLY IN THE MORNING.” Xali threw up her hands, unable to stop herself from enjoying her own tune, having so much fun singing the song.

The sailor didn’t seem to have half as much fun as the siren, struggling once again as he covered his ears. This time he submerged, only rising when the water in his ears dulled the sound coming from the shore. When he reached the shoreline, the seawater was already oozing from his ears. The sailor hugging the ground as he coughed up water. “Ah, gah. Blugh.”

“Great song, right? You may now give me your treasure!” Xali said cheerfully, holding out her hands, expecting grand riches.

“Y-you killed that song. Why are you so bad at singing? The crew is going crazy listening to your songs every day. Why do you torment us like this? Can’t you just kill us and spare the misery?”

“Bad? But my voice is as smooth as the ocean and just as beautiful.” The man’s words confused her. Why would she want to kill him? “Kill you? I just want some of your treasure. I hear pirates have a lot of treasure and I want some. Something shiny or pretty will do. Oh, I’ll have that ring of yours.”

“That’s my wedding ring.”

“You can get another. Come on, gimme. OH, WHAT DO YOU-“

“FINE, FINE, YOU CAN HAVE IT. Please, just no more singing…” He tossed his ring at the siren, the small silver ring bouncing off her forehead, leaving a small red mark as it rolled down onto the shore. She collected the ring, looking it over before tossing it onto the ground behind her, already bored with it. “Got anything else?”

“Do I look like I have anything else?”

“Hmm, maybe I should sing again. If I get more of you to come over, I can get even more rings.”

“No one else will come.”

“Yes, they will. My songs have the power to charm anyone to my side.”

“They don’t. The only reason I’m even here is to tell you that your singing will never work. No one will ever be charmed by it. You say your voice is as smooth as the ocean and you might be right.” The sailor pointed at the rough waters behind them, the waves crashing against the rocks, sending spurts of water flying. He hoped that would emphasize his point.

“Aw, thank you. Wait, that didn’t sound like a compliment.”

“Because it wasn’t. What if we give you some treasure and you stop singing?”

“But that’s not how it works. I don’t want treasure that way. I want to earn it.”

“Why do you even want treasure? Don’t sirens eat humans?”

“We do? Mother never mentioned that before she left. I just assumed you wouldn’t taste very good.” She leaned over to the sailor, opening her mouth, revealing rows of sharp pin like teeth. She went to take a small bite out of his arm, only for the sailor to blurt out a few quick words.

“We don’t. We taste awful. It’s like eating gunpowder and sweat.” That description was enough to halt her bite. The siren considering it before shifting back.

“Thought so. I don’t get it. Why don’t you like my singing? Isn’t this how my kind sing?”

“No, your kind hum beautiful sounds that enchant the hearts of sailors. They don’t sing their own versions of our shanties.”

“Oh? Like this? Hmmm mmm hmm hmmm hmmmm” She hummed a small tune, one that eased even the hardest heart. The sailor found his anger waning, feeling an urge to throw himself into the water for her. He stood up, turning to approach the water once more.

“EARL LIVES IN MOURNIG. WAAAY HEY, ROUGH DISUIGSES.” She threw up her hands again before laughing. “So much fun.”

The sailor snapped out of the trance, the cold water drifting across his toes. “Huh? So you can actually sing like a siren? Why do you choose to sing our songs, then?”

“They sound like a lot of fun. Every time your ships pass, I always feel an urge to sing along to your songs. I love your little tunes.”

“You know you're singing them wrong, don’t you?”

“Well, it’s hard to hear them from all the way out here. I’m getting better though. In a few years, I might even know the entire song.”

“My ears won’t last a few years. How about I teach you how to sing it?’

“You would do that for me?”

“If it stops you singing that other version, yes.”

So, the sailor spent the rest of the evening teaching the song to the siren. Enduring her horrible, customized lyrics until finally she had memorized it. The siren able to pick up the shanty rather quickly. When she sang the correct lyrics, the sailor felt that trance hit him once more, her shanty a thing of beauty, the perfect tribute to the art of piracy and one that made his heart swell with bravado.

“That was amazing. I feel like I could sail into Davy Jones’ locker after hearing that. How about this as a trade? If you sing that song for us every time we sail past, I’ll drop some treasure off for you?”

“You will?” The siren smiled, baring her sharp teeth. When her pointed teeth were fully in view, the sailor backed away, putting some distance between them.

“I will. Swear on my captain’s ship. Which is technically my ship too, since if it sinks, I sink.” He laughed, but the siren only looked at him, confused, unsure what he meant by that.

“Then I will happily sing it for you.”

“Just make sure it’s the right version. When you sing it properly, it actually sounds beautiful, unlike that horrific version you used to sing.”

“Aww, I still like that version. Fine, I’ll sing your version. Will you all sing back? I hear how much fun you have when you all sing it together. I would love to join in.”

“Sure. As long as it’s sung properly.”

“Yay, I can’t wait. Make sure to sail past a lot!”

While the siren was daydreaming about them all singing together, the sailor snatched his ring, sliding it back onto his finger. With his ring back, he dived into the water, swimming to his boat with a newfound energy. Maybe sailing this route wouldn’t be so horrible anymore.

     

(If you enjoyed this feel free to check out my subreddit /r/Sadnesslaughs where I'll be posting more of my writing.)