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VibesInTheSubstrate t1_ixv5ad3 wrote

Reply to comment by popejubal in [WP] The . . . creature . . . has been following you for weeks now, but nobody else can see it. It just sits there, staring, grinning. Then one day you look across the coffee shop and see a young woman with another one right behind her. Your eyes meet . . . by ImmortalJadeEye

I second this. I really enjoyed your take.

I would recommend starting a new paragraph when a different character starts talking. Having two character's dialog tags right next to each other can make the story a little harder to parse.

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