PART II

He relived all of the best and worst memories of his life, beaming with pride that time he had made straight As and his parents had given him a new car, and cursing repeatedly as Jerry McKlenkins beat him until he couldn't move. If one thing struck him, it was how few and far between those moments were. His life was incredibly boring. So many of his days had been spent doing the same things over and over again, following the rules. How great some spontaneity would have been. It would certainly have made things more difficult to predict. I lived my life totally wrong. If only I could have another chance at it.

As he got younger and younger, he got to see things he couldn't have possibly remembered. Running and giggling in the living room with Mom and Dad. Maneuvering a spoon into his mouth with his little fingers. Playing with an endless array of toys in his room. As if overnight, his life suddenly became far less predictable. Gone were the routines, replaced with the sheer innocence of childhood. He felt invigorated watching his little self, becoming immersed in it.

It all ended as he got closer and closer to being an infant. The playful essence he had learned to love was once again replaced with routines. Endless diaper changes and bottle feedings were cushioned with periods of sleep. The best part of this phase was watching as his parents rocked him in their arms. With a lot of boring time again, he wondered what exactly would happen when he went back to the day he was born. Would perhaps the spell be reversed? Would he go back to his apartment that day almost twenty years ago? Maybe he would have a chance to live his life over?

None of that happened when he finally went back into the womb as a squiggling infant. Instead of seeing himself inside, now he just saw his mother. Time continued to take him back through her pregnancy. He watched with rapt attention as her belly shrunk and the kicks got less and less until she didn't look as pregnant. He counted off the days one by one as she got closer and closer to the point he was conceived.

If he did his math correctly it was a couple of weeks after that point that she and Dad were walking down a street in a celebratory mood. Perhaps there had been a positive pregnancy test that morning? What caught his attention immediately, however, was when they were walking back down the street and came out of a psychic shop called "Miss Tolar's Readings." The woman who gave the reading looked exactly like the one on the website. Oh my God!

Out of nowhere, what Tolar's voice had said that unfortunate day so long ago rang out in his ears. "How about what was and never will be?" Is that it? Was I to become nothing? Or did this moment in the psychic shop hold some kind of salvation for me?

I guess I will never know.