[Sliiiiiiight NSFW Warning]

“Six Candy bars.” He said, incredulously.

“Anna pizza! With spri-kles!”

What had started as a simple game of ‘Imagine’ while her husband was at work had quickly spiraled out of control. The Cardboard ‘castle’ that the ‘princess’ had been held captive in was mostly now in shreds on the floor, save for the largest which still had lime green yarn ‘bars’ over its open face. Caroline sat inside the box and watched her husband’s face do its best to remain stoic in the presence of a master negotiator.

“And this is all the princess is worth to you?” He finally said, hand in an almost-believable thoughtful position over his mouth.

“Harold!” Caroline gasped in mock horror.

“Now, now, I’m sure this… Knight-errant can be negotiated down to say… three candy bars?” A hopefully-suave smile spread across her husband’s face, watching their four-year old son with interest. “Still a mighty and just reward for saving the princess of the kingdom?”

“Am I truly only worth three candy bars to you?” Caroline said with a pleading voice, while her eyes communicated a far drier tone: We are not giving him any candy bars.

“ummmmm….” The young knight lowered his ‘sword’, thinking furiously as his mop-bucket helmet slid down one side of his head. The king was just supposed to say ‘yes’, after all. Negotiation was a new concept to him. “How many is three?”

Don’t you dare lie to him.

I’m not gonna lie to him!

Harold knelt down so he was eye-level with the young knight. “How many of us are there in the family?”

The Young Knight thought hard. “aaah… There’s Papa… And Mama… An me!” He slowly held up fingers as he counted. “An.. that’s one… two… Three!” He held up four fingers proudly.

“That’s right.” Harold said, slowly nudging down the last finger. “So there is one candy bar for papa, one for mama, and one for you.”

Smooth.

Close enough, right? It will be a small candy bar.

…I want dark chocolate.

“Now, will you tell the king how you rescued the fair princess?” Harold said aloud, appealing to the Young Knight’s sense of adventure over his accounting ability.

The Young Knight’s eyes brightened. “Yeah! Firs, I found da le-legen-“

“Legendary.” Caroline said gently.

“Ya! Le-gendary blade of Vi-gore that shakes in the pre-“ the Young Knight Squinted. “-sence of evil!” He held up his ‘sword’ proudly.

Harold’s eyes grew wide and he let out mock gasp of horror. “Young Knight! You have been led perilously astray! That weapon is the greatest weakness of the Princess! One wrong blow could strike her down!”

The Young Knight looked slowly at the blade, before screaming and throwing it across the living room. It bounced to a soft stop as he turned and tore off the yarn ‘bars’, diving into his mother’s waiting arms. “maaaamaa!”

“There, there, I am safe.” Caroline cooed, patting her son’s back as she raised an eyebrow at her husband.

Was that really necessary?

Harold ignored her, sliding into the box behind them. “And with that, the Young Knight rescued the princess from any harm, and the kingdom was safe.”

The Young Knight Sniffed in the Princess’ arms. “An-an dey lived happy ever after?”

Caroline leaned her head against her husband’s shoulder. “Very happily.”

The Young Knight’s near-brush with disaster was quickly forgotten. “Yaaaaaay!”

“Now, how about the King treats this victorious knight to a feast?” Harold said, taking his son gently out of his mother’s arms. “How does pizza sound?”

“With spri-kles?”

Caroline lightly rolled her eyes. “Why not?” Harold said with a smile. “Yaaaaay!” The Young Knight jumped out of his arms and ran into the kitchen. “I’ll get the sprinkles!”

“One day he’s going to figure out ‘sprinkles’ is just extra cheese.” Caroline said, as Harold pulled her to her feet.

“And hopefully that day is a long ways off.” Harold said, before reaching over to the couch and picking up the ‘sword’. “And this stays in the locked drawer of your dresser from now on.”

“Yes dear.”