The rage of a demon is fierce. The room went quiet as a hospital chapel as Berith raged, throwing papers and tearing his suit coat off to bear long, beautiful white wings. The demon shouted in a dozen tongues, some simultaneously, as he threatened me with a thousand sadistic tortures if I did not give in and let my soul go to Hell.

Ivo waited. This tired, middle-aged schlub waited for the hatred of Hell to calm with a saint's patience, allowing it to calm before he carried on.

"Your mother, Zelda Cohen, was matrilinearly Jewish. Though her husband was Catholic, she kept a kosher home. And even as you grew, even if it was without his knowledge, Mr. Moore did not break a single mortal law that cannot be refuted by Deuteronomic statute. Mr. Moore..."

"Yes?"

"Did you eat shellfish?"

"No, never even tried it, seemed dirty."

"The meat of pig or other unclean animals?"

"Never."

"Did you keep the Sabbath holy?"

"Well, I never did go to Church on Sunday but I always took Saturdays off and relaxed."

"Did you wear clothing of two separate natural fabrics?"

"No, I only wore cotton."

"And when you, uhh, committed acts of congress, did you seek to provide pleasure and complete your action within the standards of reproduction and growth of your bloodline?"

"Well sure. I was sterile from mumps as a kid, but I liked to c-"

"That is sufficient."

Ivo paused, collecting his thoughts.

"Whether through his own knowledge or sheer dumb luck, Eric Moore has followed to the letter the standards of the Jewish faith. Even as a homeless man, he gave to those less fortunate. He never asked for interest and forgave debts. He performed tens of thousands of small mitzvah within his life, and while he never completed his acceptance of the faith through the ritual of bar mitzvah, he was matrilinearly confirmed as a member of the Jewish people and thus, must be judged by the standards of that faith and not of the Catholic rule."

"Objection! The Damned murdered his father!"

"Deuteronomy 22, verses 23 to 27. The victim of his father, one Jennifer Thompson, nee Moore, was betrothed in her heart to one Paul Thompson, her now husband. As there was no one to hear her calls for help, it was to the standard of Deuteronomic Law thar her attacker, one John Moore be put to death. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, through his actions, Eric Moore carried out the standards listed within the faith to which his soul was assigned upon the quickening of his breath, and must be deemed adherent, and thus found if not Innocent, then safely Just."

Berith looked like he had swallowed hot coals, or maybe a mouth of holy water. The veins on that perfect face pulsed, and with nothing further to say the hellspawn sat down, defeated by a schlub in a cheap suit.

The rest of the case was minor stuff. Misdemeanor sins, I'll be here for a couple decades. But time passes different while you're waiting, and I know how to wait. Maybe I'll carve my name in so the next guy knows I was here. I laugh when I think that, but for a loophole I would be burning in eternity today.

I guess sometimes the angel is in the details.