RoboJoe9000 OP t1_iuf43ei wrote on October 30, 2022 at 9:11 PM

Reply to comment by Cringehipster in [WP] "First of all calling me a "filthy troll" is very hurtful, and second of all I put all the labor and expense to build and maintain this bridge on my own, so I think it's quite reasonable to charge a toll unless you want to forge the river yourself!" by RoboJoe9000

It feels like it's missing something, but I like it. Thanks for writing! :)

Cringehipster t1_iufg1wd wrote on October 30, 2022 at 10:34 PM

Thank you. I have the same feeling as well, I think later on, I'll find out :)

RoboJoe9000 OP t1_iufpf3g wrote on October 30, 2022 at 11:42 PM

I'm sure you will with that attitude! I see plenty of potential in your writing. :) If I took my non-expert non-writer guess I think adding more descriptive words or more personality to the text might have helped. Something to give more of a feel for the characters personalities or emotions and/or more details about the scene or what's going on around them or some kind of context to things about where and why they are, if that makes sense. If I took a guess I think the missing piece is somewhere in those details, but I couldn't say with any confidence.

Cringehipster t1_iufsh14 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 12:05 AM

That does make sense!

not_quite_graceful t1_iufjws2 wrote on October 30, 2022 at 11:01 PM

I might know what it’s missing. Narration, perhaps? That’s just my thought, though.