Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center. I'm Andy, how may I help you today?

Triton: Aye my tablet has these strange water droplets inside the screen, but I can't wipe them off! Attached screenshot here.

Andy: Hi Triton! Please check the Liquid Detection Indicator, perhaps you may have water inside your tablet. For your tablet model, the LDI is located inside your SIM card slot.

Triton: Pallas! Are you free? Come help your old man locate this S-I-M card thingy.

Andy: Hi Pallas! I'm Andy! Do you require assistance in locating the SIM card slot?

Pallas: I'm good, I'm not my father. The Liquid Detector Indicator you mentioned earlier, is it this red tab here?

Andy: That's a clear sign of water damage! Please turn off the tablet now! It's to save it from electrical damage.

Pallas: Okay I've done that. Any way for me to fix this tablet at home? Or do I have to take it to your service center?

Andy: You could use Silica packets or dehumidifying crystals. Put them in a ziplock bag, place your wet tablet inside, then seal for 24 hours. If the water damage is not too severe, the tablet will be in working order the very next day. If this does not work, please bring your tablet down to your nearest service center. In the future, please be careful to keep your device away from water.

Triton: But I live in the WATER! I AM THE GOD OF THE SEAS.

Andy: You may come down to your nearest retail shop to buy a waterproof tablet pouch to protect your device.

Pallas: You hear this, Father? Just use the tablet pouch I already bought for you!

Triton: But it's fucking Disney Triton!

--Issue resolved.--

Customer Service Review:

"Good service, willing to provide a great solution that does not involve going down to service center or paying dem dwarves."

Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center. I'm Andy, how may I help you today?

Cyclops: Forgot Password. Try Facial Recognition. No Recognize Face. Cannot Work. Why?

Andy: Facial recognition technology is invented by humans and built to register 2 eyes, 1 nose and 1 mouth. Perhaps you may wish to try another authentication method, such as finger printing.

Cyclops: Make ONE EYE Facial Recognition Work. If Not, File Racial Discrimination Suit.

Andy: I'm sorry Cyclops, this is beyond my capacity. Perhaps I could suggest to one of the dwarf engineers to work on a facial recognition software for one-eyed creatures such as your esteemed self. I cannot promise anything, it depends on the demand and viability. I'll let you know once our engineers get back to me.

Cyclops: Paste Eye Sticker. Facial Recognition Not Work. Why. You Said Two Eye Work.

Andy: Two symmetrical eyes! Not one big eye and one small sticker on the side of your face! Cyclops, please try fingerprinting for now, or stick to passwords that you can remember while I talk to our dwarf engineers on making facial recognition work for one eyed.

Cyclops: OOOKEY. THANKS.

Customer Service Review:

"OOKEY MAN. NICE MAN. BUT WHERE MY ONE EYE FACIAL RECOGNITION. WHY.

--Ticket 10024--

Customer requested alternate facial recognition software or technology to identify Cyclops face. Will perform market viability testing and report back.

--UPDATE--

Market Viability is low. Among our smartphone users, only 2% are Cyclopeans. 12% of Cyclopeans are satisfied with our fingerprinting technology, while 18% are satisfied with using passwords. The rest do not have any form of password protection or biometrics.

--ticket closed--

Andy: Greetings! Supernatural tech support service center. I'm Andy, how may I help you today?

Bigfoot: ARGH. Ask me "Pressh ANY key". Where ish ANI key?

Andy: Just press any key, Bigfoot. There is no particular key called "any".

Bigfoot: Can not pressh key dat Arr can not find.

Andy: Let's try it this way. Do you have a favourite button to press?

Bigfoot: Arr likey dat "B" key. "B" ish fur Bigfoot.

Andy: Press the "B" key anytime you see the step to "Press Any Key". It will work.

Bigfoot: Arr yo da best! Ish works!

--Issue resolved--

Customer Service Review:

“Best service I have found! Today’s technology is unnecessary cumbersome and complex, but these guys know their stuff!”

(Bigfoot asked Sasquatch to write the above for him. Bigfoot thinks Sasquatch comment ish too long but whatever makes good hooman look good to his boss ish good)

Thanks for reading! Please check out more of my writing here!