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katpoker666 t1_jccbii9 wrote

Reply to comment by LivelyFox3737 in [TT] Theme Thursday - Journalism by AliciaWrites

Hey Lively—I really liked the MC here and her approach to doing the right thing!

A couple small notes—

  1. You may want to introduce John Harris by name when you first mention him as the piggy eyed boss. The logic is just it took me out for a tenth of a second because I wondered if there might be two piggy eyed guys in the office. You then can also cut a little bit of either of the descriptions as while they’re fantastic they do repeat the concept of sleazy boss slightly:

>>Not that my new boss had done anything more than give it a cursory glance, his small piggy eyes had been too busy feasting upon my cleavage. The job had been mine from the moment I had left an extra button undone on my blouse. Brains need not apply.

>>”You can’t leave now!”, exclaimed John Harris, his florid face suddenly peering around the door, his piggy eyes running all over my body like slime, apparently still unable to find my eyes.

  1. this made me a little uncomfortable as the MC was playing into the game a bit too much for me:

>> The job had been mine from the moment I had left an extra button undone on my blouse.

Otherwise, most enjoyable:)

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LivelyFox3737 t1_jccm7u6 wrote

Thanks, Kat. I'm grateful for your feedback as always. The wonderful Fye also got confused as you did in 1. The point is definitely taken! Thanks for highlighting your issue in 2. You've given me pause for thought on how I could have tackled this differently.

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