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OldBayJ t1_jcah5ol wrote

They say the phone will only ring once, on the night of the full moon, just as twilight emerges. And only if you’re alone.

Silence blankets the rocky hills as I approach the phone booth. Eyes watch me from the distance. Their glare pierces through the layers of fabric, disapproval chilling me to the bone.

Pulling the creaky door open, I step into the booth, hoping desperately for this to be legit. I need it to be.

My boss laughed when I submitted the column proposal earlier this week. “Seasoned investigators don’t chase ghost stories. They don’t publish garbage.”

But I know there is truth in this story, and a connection to the two missing persons cases. I just have to prove it.

I connect my recorder to the phone just as it rings. “Hello?”

Static crackles on the other end of the line. My fingers twist the pendant resting against my chest. “Someone there?”

Several voices come forward, unintelligible over the choppy connection. I take a deep breath. “J-Jack?” I want him to be there. Desperately.

A gentle voice forces its way to the front. “Button?”

I fall to my knees in the presence of that name, gripping the receiver tight. My heart thumps as I try to form words. But I’m speechless. Overwhelmed. Afraid.

“You… can’t… be here,” he says. The static fades in and out.

“How’s this p-possible?” My fingers twist the necklace too hard and the chain breaks in my hand.

A deep growl pierces through the chattering voices, silencing them. “Go,” Jack’s voice snaps.

“No, please. How is this working?”

“It’s not safe, he’ll make…pay.” Static floods the line.

“Who? What about the others who came—”

“...too late for them,” he interrupts. “He’s coming. I love you.”

A high-pitched scream cuts through the line and it goes dead.

The windows of the phone booth rattle. A screech pulls my attention to the door.

Blood-red eyes stare into me, claws rip the door from the hinges. I search for something to grab onto, anything, but find nothing.

The creature steps forward, its flesh black and oily in the moonlight. “You must pay the toll.”

“For what?” I ask.

Saliva drips from its mouth. “You crossed the threshold of the living and dead. The price must be paid.”

“I didn’t even see him. Or have a real conversation. I won’t pay.”

The creature growls. Flames ignite from its hands. My insides shrivel up like dead worms on the sidewalk, just as everything goes black.


Jack’s deep brown eyes greet me as I awake.

“You’re here…” I sit up.

“Oh honey, what’ve you done?”

The world around me is now grey, cold, and lifeless. But despite everything, I can’t help feeling like this is where I belong.

Jack wraps his arms around me, then leans his head against mine. Just as he used to.

“I’ve missed this so much.”

“Me too, Button. Me too.”

The faint ringing of the phone echoes in the distance. Another story waiting to be told.


  • Thanks for reading! Feedback always welcome.
  • r/ItsMeBay (I'll get to updating it one of these days)
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FyeNite t1_jcbl2ps wrote

Hey Bay!

Oh wow, and you're back with another spooky tale. And one with a bittersweet ending too! I loved so many lines in this, the descriptions are definitely where it shines, I think.

> Their glare pierces through the layers of fabric, disapproval chilling me to the bone.

Like this for instance. Really sets up the ending twist and what you have coming.

> My insides shrivel up like dead worms on the sidewalk,

And I've mentioned this one before, but this one stood out the most to me. Really wonderful job there.

As for the ending, I have to say I quite liked the way you took it. The monster definitely felt a bit abrupt, unexplained. And I imagine that was intentional as well as because of wordcount. So this twist, making the story about this character and Jack was a great way of resolving the piece.

Very very well done!

I do just have a few bits and bobs for you,

Just noticing these now. It's not much, minor edits really.

> “It’s not safe, he’ll make…pay.”

I think you could do away with "pay" here. I know you have the theme of a 'price' for being able to talk to the dead. But with this, it makes me wonder how Jack knows about it. Makes sense that he'd know about the monster, but would he know specifics? Just a thought though.

> “Who? What about the others who came—”

Not a critique, just a question. Who is she talking about here? Previous investigators?

> Flames ignite from its hands.

Something like "Flames dance in his hands." may be better here. But that's also a commonly used personification. So go with either.

I hope this helps.

Good Words!

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galdu t1_jcc2uam wrote

Thanks for sharing this spooky tale!

I really liked this stuff:

  • Using the necklace to help us understand the characters. As well as using it to heighten the intensity of the scene.
  • The way you described what Button was hearing on the phone. In a small amount of words you were able to give a distinctive sound to it.
  • The way the monster was described. Both ambiguous and specific, allowing the reader to imagine whatever springs to mind.

Thing(s) that didn't connect with me:

  • The framing backstory is a little confusing. Is Button looking for two missing people or are they looking for Jack? Same thing?
  • The recollection of what the boss said interrupted a part of scene that I wanted to be more engrossed in.
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