Submitted by AliciaWrites t3_11n2zms in WritingPrompts
FyeNite t1_jc46c33 wrote
Reply to comment by stranger_loves in [TT] Theme Thursday - Journalism by AliciaWrites
Howdy stranger!
Woo! A rare and much-loved stranger story! Yay! I really liked the anger and frustration you had this character show in this piece. And I like how that evolved too. From plain boredom and disinterest to anger and resentment as the interviewer asks for more words. I think you did a great job of basically keeping this conversation going despite it being almost completely one-sided.
But also, poor girl. Soon, very soon, she'll find people with common interests and be more accepted.
I do have a few bits and bobs for you though,
> 30 minutes have stretched into a week in my brain as I sit, immobile, across the old interviewer in the blazer.
First, I believe you want "Thirty" here. Spelt out rather than as a number. I believe if the number is less than 100, then you spell it out.
Second, I think you're just missing a "from" after "across".
> He stares attentively this time, and motions to ask for more words.
I think you could simplify "to ask for more words." to something like "to continue.". Just saves a few words.
> Because now, I get bullied every time someone in my class catches me outside of school, and my parents keep yelling at me that I should dress proper and cover my skin and whatnot, and old ladies keep stopping in the street and talking some stuff about the end times and everything and…
This sentence felt a tad long. I really think a few periods in place of some commas could really help split it up and make it easier to read.
One final thing, whilst reading this, I wanted to know who this guy was. And what this interview was about. The starting questions made me think of therapy or a psychological evaluation of some sort. And then I thought maybe it was a meeting with the school's principal. Either way, signifying that it's a journalist earlier could really help I think.
I hope this helps.
Good Words!
Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments