"I suppose at some point we should at least try to escape."

"Escape? Escape? My brother, we're in Malibu! The sun! The sand! The ocean! The women!"

"You do of course know that we are not in Malibu right now."

"Right yes I do know tha--"

"We are locked in a room somewhere in Connecticut."

"Yeah no you're right I just--"

"It has been three days since we've seen the light of the sun."

"I'm just having a bit of fun with it, y'know?"

"I'll say."

"Is that so wrong? To enjoy my time here?"

"In captivity, you mean?"

"We're all captives! That's why they call it Captivalism!"

"They don't call it that."

"I'm just saying, they have to at least feed us or we'll die before talking, they have to house us so we won't be discovered... our basic needs are being met, free of charge!"

"I feel like a few levels to Maslow's hierarchy of needs are neglected during forced captivity."

"Not if we use the power of imagination!"

"You've gone mad. Three days in here and you've gone totally mad."

"If 'going mad' means I'm on a beach in Malibu, then I'm Hannibal fucking Lecter!"

"Again, not on a beach. You're alone, in a locked room, with an increasingly large pile of shit in the corner."

"Don't bring up shit-corner, it shatters the illusion."

"There's no illusion! None of this is real! I'm not even real! You've retreated into the confines of your own mind in a desperate attempt to maintain some sense of control over your situation, when the truth is you are doing really poorly right now!"

"I am not! Just as soon as I get out of this room I'll be back on my feet!"

"Oh, oh good. So get out of this room then."

"No."

"And there's our problem."

"There's no problem! Malibu!"

"There is no Malibu! You can't keep hiding from reality like this!"

"Now you listen to me, pal. You are a part of my escapist fantasy, and you will ACT like--"

"You're diving into escapist fantasies without even trying to actually escape!"

"How am I supposed to escape? This room is impregnable!"

"You haven't so much as checked if the door is locked!"

"Well excuse me for believing in people! For believing our captors are competent!"

"God, you'll do anything to avoid reality, won't you? You're not afraid of being trapped in here, you're afraid of going back!"

"Shut up."

"You're afraid of the bills, and the responsibilities, and the social interactions--"

"Shut up!"

"You're gonna die in this dark, rancid, windowless room because you're too afraid to face the world outside!"

"SHUT UP!"

...

God. Okay. Yeah, it does smell pretty bad in here.