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lego1042 t1_jdwr10y wrote

Reply to comment by IML_42 in [WP] Years ago, your mentor said, "Kid, there's a small secret when it comes to magic. You can literally make shit up and it'll usually work. Makes the guys who actually take it seriously really pissed off." Today, you're one of the least respected, and most powerful, mages in the land. by Prompt_Dude

> spells and they’re associated

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IML_42 t1_jdwv94o wrote

Fixed - thanks!

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lego1042 t1_jdxpdhn wrote

Usually stuff like that jumps out at me a bit more when I'm reading but I got too engaged with this one and only got hung up on the one typo near the beginning.

One note I did notice just now glancing back is that the words 'says' and 'replies' come up a lot (particularly says). It wasn't noticeable to me on first read but it might be worth taking a look at. On the other hand there are a few other words like screams that come up which maybe are a little more emphatic because they're rare? "I guess you could also stick with words like says but then maybe describe the declarer a little more," he says now yelling loudly.

Anyway this was a particularly fun read. Thanks for the story

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IML_42 t1_jdxx6xk wrote

Hey! Thank you for this well considered feedback. It really is greatly appreciated.

As it relates to dialogue tags, I actually prefer that they blend into the background unless I really want to add emphasis (as you pointed out).

Generally speaking the tags are there first and foremost to provide clarity for the reader. For that reason I don’t mind having the “Hal says” “Iso says” be repetitive because they are meant to fade away and allow readers to skip over them. I don’t like to get too cute with dialogue tags as I personally get taken out of the story when I read something like “Hal hissed/bellowed/squealed” as those things often don’t adequately describe vocalizations made by a real person.

Regardless, I greatly appreciate this dialogue and you taking the time to provide feedback. Thank you!

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