"Genie of the Key, speak to me." A puff of smoke came up as the genie of the key headed out.

"What is it now?"

"Look. You told me you were going to grant me wishes, and you keep going back on your word. What is the deal?"

"I keep granting you the wishes, just as you said."

"Oh really. I wished for untold riches."

"Yeah, you did it many times. I don't know what else I can do. I taught you how to code, I helped you sign up for a Robinhood account and start learning the stock market and get into crypto, I got you into the sports card scene again so you could get into those super rare hits- I did all I could to help you there. Not my fault the bubble burst..."

"You're a genie. You can fix it so it can't."

"No, my power doesn't work like that."

"Well, whatever. And the time I wished for immortality?"

"Did you SEE that one piece you wrote? All you have to do is get it published and you'll live on forever with something that good. You make great works and leave a legacy, you become immortal."

"You keep blowing smoke up my ass, but I don't think that works..."

"And the wish for true love..."

"Hey, I got you some nice clothes that you might look better in instead of those wrestling and anime T-shirts you always wear like you're still a teenager, I signed you up for Tinder, I got your confidence back up, I helped you look for new opportunities to get yourself out there instead of spending all your time shut away from everyone. I did all I could, the rest is up to you to prove you can be a good man...which, I might add, if you had followed the first and second wishes to its conclusion, you MIGHT BE!"

"Can you just give me some quick fix to get some of these?"

"Another person who wants a quick fix. They always blame the life coach and not themselves."

"Genie of the Key, I wish for some quick fixes to make these wishes come to pass."

I waited a bit...and I suddenly felt a big jolt of inspiration. I've been wasting my time. I need to get back to that website to learn, I need to write again. Let me get cleaned up, get back to work, and actually try to make this stuff wor-why the fuck is that genie laughing?

"...you all always think you're so smart, don't you? You're not the first who tried that and you damn sure won't be the last. Enjoy the burst of motivation."

"Dammit, genie, I wish for a billion bucks to show up right at my doorstep!"

I waited- and a huge pile of acorns fell all around my apartment. "Well, I did it. Just open the door and give it time, I'm sure the deer in the neighborhood will be happy."

"This is not funny, Genie, I wish for eternal life!"

I heard a knock on my door.

"Hi, we're with the local church, have you heard the word of our Lord?"

"GODDAMMIT!" The missionaries in the front looked peeved. "Well, clearly this person seems like a real pleasure to deal with..."

"Genie, I wish for a beautiful model to head to my doorstep and be ready for me..." Just then I saw an Amazon truck come by, and hand me that figurine I had been waiting for for a few month "YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUNNY, DON'T YOU?"

"I told you. I do not grant wishes, I give you the power to grant them yourself."

"Dammit...I will only say this once. GENIE, I WISH FOR YOU TO GIVE ME EXACTLY WHAT I DESERVE!"

A big pounding sound was at my door...