Fuck holier-than-thou angels, demons are the in thing now.

At first, everyone aspired to go to Heaven. It was the Good Place. For good people. Don't be a murderer, don't be a hatemonger, and don't be a sinner. Love yourself, love your neighbours, love your god.

Doesn't sound very hard, does it?

But then, somewhere down the road, they piled up on what is considered sinful. It didn't matter if you were the most awesome pet rescuer. Fucking gay? You're a sinner going down to Hell. It didn't matter if you were the most altruistic philanthropist. Wanna make a certain transition in life? You're a sinner going down to Hell.

Hell didn't care about those things. The demons embraced all men and women who come through the gates. You're all welcome, they said. You can suffer with your friends. Humans are social creatures, it would be boring as fuck hanging out with angels who do nothing but smite sinners and perpetually praise god. That's just fucking lonely shitty life. That ain't a good place for good people. That's just BOORING.

Lucifer isn't the evil devil in a suit, that's just propaganda from above. That's what the angels want you to think. Nah, he's a real chill bro in a Hawaii shirt and flip-flops, wearing big cool Ray Bans, waving in every new human streaming into Hell.

Fallen angels and demons aren't fucking outcasts tossed out from Heaven, they're the new popular kids in town, so many humans love them. It's all about acceptance. Love ya all, regardless of race, sex, gender, religion, or neurodiversity, ya all in.

Now, Hell has a new rocking deal in town. Why wait to die? Why not just sign your soul to us demons in advance, and we'll take Hella good care of you when you transition from life to death? We promise one Helluva roadtrip down to Hell. You'll love it, you'll remember it for all your eternity in Hell.

Just remember, it's a one-way trip to Hell. No refunds allowed, no take-backsies, bitches. When it comes to souls, once sold, considered sold.

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