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IML_42 t1_jdglmpj wrote

A nurse calls my name, I rise from the uncomfortable waiting room chair and give her a wave. She leads me to a triage room near the waiting room and closes the door.

“So, it sounds like you’re in for rabies exposure?” she asks as she takes my blood pressure.

“Yeah, I picked up a gal at the bar, went back to her place, we do some making out, and then she revealed that she was a Vampire. I did some googling and saw that bats are the primary rabies vector in this part of the world so I figured—“

“Better safe than sorry, huh?” She interrupts.

“Exactly. It’s embarrassing, but we did a lot of kissing and I know it’s transmitted via saliva so…you know.”

“I get it. Can never be too careful,” she says as she removes the cuff. “Blood pressure looks good. Alright, we’ll get you back to see a doctor as soon as we can. We’ll see what the doc recommends based on what you’ve told me.”

I sit in the waiting room for hours as more critical cases come and go—a leprechaun with a unicorn stab wound, a mermaid in the midst of an overdose, a vampire who vomited up drug blood not five feet from me—and I can’t blame them for their triage decisions, but I’m exhausted and starting to grow impatient.

After four hours of waiting, the doctor finally calls me back.

“So, rabies exposure?” she says. “Are you certain you were exposed?”

“Well, no. But I’d rather be safe than sorry,” I reply.

“I understand there was some heavy petting with a saucy vampiress?” she says with a wink.

“Make out session,” I reply.

“And you asked the gal if she was a carrier?” she asks.

“Well, no. Seemed awkward to ask,” I reply.

“Well that makes sense. Why ask a simple and reasonable question of an intimate partner when you can undergo a series of painful injections?” she says with a chuckle.

“You know how it goes,” I say. “I just—I like this girl and I know it is a bit insensitive to assume all vampires carry rabies, but I also know that some do and it would be bad if left untreated. Plus—“

“Fatal,” interrupts the doctor. “It would be 100% fatal if you were exposed and did not get vaccination treatment for rabies. Donezo. Horrible death too.”

I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a doctor’s office and heard the word ‘fatal’ thrown around, but let me tell you it ain’t pleasant.

“Right…so that’s why I came in,” I say.

“Look. I get it,” she says. “I’ve been there. Hell, I myself have a thing for pale night walkers. I’ve personally been vaccinated so that I don’t have to worry about it either. There’s just something about a pasty man that can throw you around that—sorry, it’s been a long night.

“Ok. Here’s what we’re gonna do. You’ll get two injections tonight. One immunoglobulin injection that is human anti-bodies which will help jumpstart your immune response. The other is the rabies vaccine. Then you’ll return for three more vaccine doses over the next month.”

“Sounds great,” I reply.

“I should warn you though,” says the doctor, “the immunoglobulin that we inject is…a large shot. It goes in your ass and it’s going to hurt like hell.”

“Oh, goody,” I say.

“Any questions?” she asks.

“Yeah, am I able to, you know, go out with this gal while I go through the course of treatment?”

“Oh, sure, sure. Even if she’s a carrier you should be fine to continue relations with her as we administer your vaccinations.”

What a relief it was to hear. I would be able to see her again soon. There’s playing hard to get and then there’s ghosting a gal for a month.

The doctor comes back into the room with the syringes ready to go.

“Ready, big guy?” she says.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been called, ‘big guy’ by a doctor who is your own age, but let me tell you it ain’t pleasant.

“Big guy?” I ask.

“Oh, ha,” she chuckles, “I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to Vlad here.”

“Vlad?” I ask.

“Yeah, the immunoglobulin syringe. We call it Vlad the Impaler because of, you know, vampires. That and it very much impales you.”

“Jesus Christ,” I say.

“He can’t help you here!” she says with a comical Transylvanian accent.

Then she impales my ass with Vlad.

The things I do for love.


r/InMyLife42Archive

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[deleted] t1_jdglndi wrote

[removed]

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IML_42 t1_jdgmevr wrote

Oh no. A lot of people avoiding awkward conversations over there, I’m assuming?

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