Roguespiffy t1_je1xdtg wrote on March 28, 2023 at 8:34 PM

Reply to comment by DistinguishedSloth in [WP] You, a supervillain, are very confused as to why your superhero-nemesis is rampaging through your lair screaming something about you kidnapping their girlfriend. Meanwhile your daughter, who has come to visit you, seems very nervous and is anxious to leave your lair. by Kitty_Fuchs

Part 3 please?

DistinguishedSloth t1_je26yas wrote on March 28, 2023 at 9:35 PM

Makes me really happy that you want to know more. Although, I gotta be honest, I'm not sure where I could take the story if I was to do a pt3.

If I was to work on this story again I think I'd just redo the ending. Rereading it now, it definitely seems rushed - but I had to go make food and didn't want to keep the guys waiting too long for pt2.

What would you like to see in pt3? Not making any promises though, I doubt I'll add more.

Roguespiffy t1_je285j6 wrote on March 28, 2023 at 9:43 PM

That’s fair enough. Personally I’m curious to see how the situation could possibly be diffused or if one of them ends up killing the other and losing the daughter/girlfriend.

If you continue, awesome. If not, I enjoyed what you gave us.

DistinguishedSloth t1_je29r46 wrote on March 28, 2023 at 9:54 PM

Funny you say that. My original draft had Valiant being killed by The Executioner. I quite liked the idea of The Executioner hating himself for the terrible murders he committed in the past -- and a part of that hatred being tied to his own super abilities and by extension anyone else with super abilities. He would kill Valiant because he believes it's the only way to protect Andrea. Because those with super abilities are cursed and only end up bringing pain or death to their loved ones.

In the end I took a different route. As I was writing The Executioner he came across as a softer, more damaged soul who had lost his way trying to avenge his dead wife. Ultimately, he was left with regret and wished to be a part of his daughters life again. So, killing her boyfriend Valiant probably wasn't the best move.

Hate to say it, but I think the power of friendship diffuses this one lol. Definitely rushed the ending but I'm pleased you enjoyed it :)

Roll_a_new_life t1_je3tftk wrote on March 29, 2023 at 5:22 AM

I was thinking something else.

No healthy relationship has a partner come screaming through the door(roof) of the family member's home, demanding them back when they are willingly visiting. Since Executioner even mentions it's an unknown location, and there is nothing to suggest to Viliant that she is not visiting a friend, it looks like Valiant was just pissed 'his' girl left without his permission. She didn't tell him because she either didn't care about him enough to tell him(which we find out is not the case) or she didn't want him to know. Given his reaction, we know why. Mix that with her difficult past and that they met when she was vulnerable and alone...? She's a prime target for a narcissistic, love bombing, isolating, super powered jerk.

...but the whole "The good guys are bad" is getting played out.

DistinguishedSloth t1_je4m5zx wrote on March 29, 2023 at 11:42 AM

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there. Yeah that would have been a much more interesting avenue to explore ngl lol. ‘The good guys are bad’ trope is getting played out but I can see now I definitely hinted toward it being the case - so I basically promised the readers that the superhero isn’t all that good but then I didn’t deliver on it. That sucks. I wanna re-write it now. Would you be interested in reading an alternative version?

Roll_a_new_life t1_je4xk9w wrote on March 29, 2023 at 1:21 PM

I think there were hints, not a promise. Valiant instantly stops fighting back, which is not something a raging abuser does on the word of their partner. I think you'd just need to explain it away with like... she has a piece of tech or something on her that alerts to villains. Then she's suspicious and confused, Executioner is confused and alarmed, and Valiant jumps into action.

But yeah, I would like to read more! I don't think you really need a rewrite, even, but you know best. It's really tragic, I can believe that no one is going to try to help her, or even believe her, except Executioner... and Valiant has very good reason to keep her away. You could absolutely wreck my entire day, lol.