"Oh, for fuck's sake!" I yelled loudly as I walked into my bedroom for the first time following a lengthy leave from the estate. I hoped Calvin would hear me, although I knew that even if he did he probably wouldn't bother to emerge from his slumber regardless of the stink that I made above him. "It's everywhere, Calvin! That won't just come out of the ceiling like any other stain, you know!"

Predictably, no stirring was heard from within the subterranean chamber beneath the mansion's ground floor. It was then that I knew for certain that my roommate was in fact a total dickhead.

Even though he was a hundred years my senior, I'd thought that we'd acquired a certain intimate bond as semi-solitary vampires living in a mostly mortal region, however it seems that he thinks so little of me that I am now relegated to the one-man maid cleanup crew of my own godforsaken bedroom! Oh, how he riles me so! I would never sully his coffin room with such an assorted spattering of blood and entrails like he has me!

Still… my rent has already been paid up for the next eight centuries, and I am determined to make this work… I just need to find some common ground... Perhaps Calvin enjoys Lego also!