“And oh, man, then it was like strike, parry, roll, and stab, stab, stab!” the high-pitched voice stroke again. Like literally, it felt as if every word stroke my head with the blunt side of her blade. Of course she didn’t care about the surroundings and how people were shooting me dirty looks as I walked through the city. How could I blame them? Everyone hates the asshole blasting music loudly in public and no one could expect that instead of a phone, this time the sound was coming out of a legendary, sentient sword, carefully wrapped in my coat.

“After I was done with them they were all like, completely dead, annihilated. No biggie”, she stroke again and caused a passing man to suddenly quicken his pace.

“Could you please shut up for a moment or at least lower your damn voice?”, I hissed trying to avoid eye contact with the passersby. “You’re drawing attention to us and it’s not something we need right now, don’t you think? Do you want the police to stop us and take you to some underground lab? You’ll get stuck there for another thousand years, just after you finally got out!”

“Underground? UNDERGROUND? Are you talking a dungeon adventure baby? Oh man, you got me so pumped right now. Where is this police you’re talking about, I’m going to fuck them up like you don’t even know! They’re going to tell us all about this underground lair!”, she goddamn shrieked so loudly that even people on the other side of the road turned their heads in our direction.

I stopped and closed my eyes. That’s it, I’m done with that thing. I raised the sword, still wrapped in my favourite coat, ready to throw her into a small alley to my right. Thankfully I opened my eyes first and realised there were a few people standing there, all looking at me. They didn’t look happy.

“What did you say about the force, bitch?”, the man in the back of the group said, staring me down.

“Hey Tommy, could you not start this bullshit again? You spent a month in the academy ten fucking years ago!”, a woman next to him said, shaking her head, with her hand on his arm. “Chill out man”.

She looked at me “I’m sorry for Tommy here, he’s a bit on edge lately...”

“On edge?! You’re gonne know how it feels to be on edge and with an edge 10 inches through your ass in about 10 seconds motherfucker!”, the sword stroke again. No, not stroke, I think it was more of a stab this time.

The group tensed and started walking towards me. Guess they didn’t realise that it wasn’t me who had threatened their friend with bloody murder. Again, not everyone’s accustomed to hidden, sentient swords threatening them from inside a coat.

The biggest one, Tommy took to the front and leapt to me, his fist raised to hit me. I froze, starting at the incoming fist, and then…

It was like strike, parry, roll, and stab, stab, stab! “I told you fucker, you don’t mess with Babel! Now where’s the lab, where’s the dungeon?!”, the sword shouted and I realised she was in my hand. I mean her handle was in my hand; her blade was 10 inches deep into Tommy’s ass.

I looked at the rest of the group - they were still a few steps away from me. It looked like they didn’t move much while Tommy was getting annihilated. It must’ve happened really quickly and based on the looks on their faces they weren’t quite sure what had just happened. To be honest I didn’t really know what had happened myself.

“Huh. Did you just say your name’s Babel?”, I looked at the sword, still in shock, not sure what to say.

“Yes it is, yes it is, friend. Quickly, ask them about the lab. It looks they don’t like talking to swords,” Babel said.

Before I managed to tell Babel that a random group of people definitely doesn’t know anything about secret government labs, a police siren sounded behind us.

Oh fuck, at least now the real police’s here. Babel’s gonna be happy.

EDIT: fixed two typos