We might not be the largest or the most well-known company on earth, but our reach extends into every corner of the globe, our impact bleeding into almost part of the world.

We're a headhunting, recruitment, and marketing firm for the gods, and we have been doing this for a thousand years. Yes, you heard it right, we are one of the oldest companies on this earth. Gods come and go, they shine and then fade away. Or so that's what the public thinks. What really happens is we rebrand them when their domain falls out of public favor.

Odin is one of our most famous customers, my great-great-grandma was proud to present to him the job of Santa Claus, and he has been slaying it. Eostre is now the Easter Bunny, Tiamat is now popular among the D&D crowds, and Lucifer has signed yet another contract for a Sandman remake.

As old pantheons fall, so do new pantheons rise. We help new pantheons recruit new gods, and help old gods find new jobs and domains. And we're the best at the line of work.

Now you've heard my pitch, are you going to come into my office to talk or keep pacing around my lobby?

Hey you, the nervous scar-faced, redhead in the lobby, are you coming in for a job?

He doesn't say a word, he just follows me into my office with his eyes fixed on the floor. I invited him to sit across from me and requested my assistant to get us both a cup of coffee. If he is exactly who I think he is, this is going to be a long day.

"Yes, I'm here to find a job."

Finally, we're getting started.

"Loki isn't it? You've delayed making the transition while the rest of the Norse gods have moved on ages ago. Why now?" I asked. "Surely, with your shapeshifting powers and charm, you have plenty of opportunities."

"I...blew them. I tried my hand at acting, Lucifer introduced me to a few producers. I was blacklisted after I made half the cast pregnant and the other half so horny and drunk on mead they couldn't do their jobs. Nobody wants tricksters, either they already have Anansi jumping from pantheon to pantheon, or they just got tired of my usual shtick."

My data analytics feed and report came back; Loki had somehow gotten himself barred from almost every typical job in dozens of countries. He wormed his way into almost every employer's pants, male or female or other genders, and was caught cheating on over a dozen directors. He can't even sweep the floors for one day without dunking the contents of his dustpan onto his superior and getting fired for it. Caught repeatedly lying on his resume after one too many debacles. Nobody would want anything to do with him after he broke teleportation and time-traveling regulations frequently just to give famous people fucking wedgies.

"So what can you offer Loki? That isn't on this banned list of things Loki isn't allowed to do." I printed and thumbed through the thick stack of papers.

"Anything...I would literally do anything for Odin not to mock me for being a freeloader, or get thrown back into that cave and have snake venom dripped on me. Please."

I pause and start flipping through the reports again.

"An actor, or actress. With your shapeshifting powers, you could be anything, including a black man pretending to be a white chick posing as a white man. Or just yourself, your antics are prime hollywood movie material. Also, Pride month needs some representation. You're one of the oldest bisexual queers in the pantheons. You'll need to scrub clean your social media accounts and start anew. No more making fun of Baldr for dying to a mistletoe. Agree to stick by our company's rules of engagement and no more mishaps or monsterfucking, Loki. Managing your children's careers is already a serious handful."

"So...do I get to keep my name or do I get a new one as part of rebranding?"

I quickly opened a random name generator and picked one of the first names that came up.

"You're Tom Hiddleston now."