The decor is decidedly neutral. There are no flames, no pitchforks, and no lakes of boiling acid. No horned Lucifer, with rotten wings and serpent eyes laughing at our misfortune. It isn't what we'd call hellish. But on the other hand, it isn't exactly heavenly either. No fair gardens, full of peace and quiet. No warm gentle lights, no angelic choirs, not a place by the side of any sort of maker. Mostly, it looks like the DMV. Long lines, leading to countless sets of seven gates. Each are the exact same gates, just existing at multiple locations at the same time, allowing for countless lines of human souls to pass through them at once. At least, that's what the faded and clearly generic pamphlet you get when you arrive says. Other than that, there are low-quality but free machines that dispenses adequate coffee, acceptable snacks, and some not entirely comfortable couches where you can sit if you're not sure which gate to enter. Some of us do sit there, drinking the unremarkable coffee, reading the pamphlet for information about what lies behind the gates.

Once you've entered, you can't pick a different one. Each gate is marked as belonging to a specific sin, of the traditional seven. Enter there and experience that stuff forever. First in the order is pretty simple. Gluttony. It looks to be a fairly greasy door, with a good deal of stains on it. Behind it, there is every kind of overindulgence. Food, drink, drugs, you name it, they've got it. Chocolate oceans, pools of whiskey, mountains of ice cream, free drugs of every kind from dispensaries everywhere. Pretty simple when you think about it, but there is an allure in it for many. Eat but never get full, drink but never have the hangover, feel the high and never the lows. It is understandable. Next is even more understandable, Lust. Less of a conventional door, and more a series of enticing veils. Through there you find exactly what you expect: Endless parlours, countless harems, boudoirs full of everything you can possible want in bed. That one is especially popular. In the infinite office, this DMV of the afterlife, there is a line to get inside Lust, and it is pretty unruly. In there, one can, supposedly, fulfil every passion, no matter how strange, sate every desire, no matter how bizarre. An eternity like that should be pretty eventful.

Greed, or Avarice, comes next. It cannot be satisfied unless it has the most names. But it is pretty simple. Money, gold, wealth beyond measure, infinite treasure, it is the door that is most gaudy and looks so golden and bejewelled that it is ridiculous. High stocks, riches, big business, super-yachts, solid gold jacuzzis, jewels, and more; all that jazz. That's it forever behind that door. Ostentatious if you ask me, but I never sought out such things in life for the mere sake of having them. Those who cannot have enough will perhaps find it, but I don't intend to enter through there. Personally, when I look at the doors, I find it weird that there are only seven, but somehow I doubt that this place is built upon the writings of John Cassian the Roman monk, and his eight sins, because there are no doors marked as sorrow or despair, which was his fourth deadly sin. Then again, who'd ever actually enter that?

Instead, the fourth door is Wrath. And it is dented, battered, and broken. Many enter it. Beyond lies every battle every fought, every conflict ever wrought, every single moment made in wrath, continuing forever. A battle that never ends with no victors in sight. A horrible eternity, and yet many rough-looking souls, and those who could never fulfil their rage in life, gleefully charge through the door. Some men are lost to rage. I've known some such men, who for a brief time become the fire inside of them, as it burns them out. It tears them apart, and leaves behind either death or empty shells that cannot be called back to the men they were. I do not seek what lies behind this door. Next comes Sloth. Seems to be a door leading to a bedroom. According to the pamphlet it is literally just an endless realm of good places to sleep, watch TV, relax, nap, and lie in the warm sun. It is quiet in there, and there is nothing that happens. A fair number of people go in there, and I don't blame them. After a long life, what you probably need is a good long rest, though judging from the hazy nature of some of the souls entering there, they seem to have been slothful in life too.

Sixth door is Envy. Not entirely sure how you'd experience that forever, but then again, this is death, nobody ever said it had to be very logical. Certainly don't recall having ever heard of this place before, but it seemingly exists despite its irrational nature. The envious get revenge. Get even. Oddly enough, that's the only thing the pamphlet says about it. You get even. Sounds vaguely ominous, and not entirely psychologically healthy. The door itself reflects this. It looks like the gate to a prison. Perhaps that place behind it, is the closest thing we get to a traditional hell. Not that I intend to enter there. Any enemy I might have had in life, I crushed. I was envious of no living or dead man. Only a few enter it. And they look incredibly worrying. Those who enter Wrath look either like emotionally detached veterans, returning to the war that hasn't left their heads, or violent lunatics that scream with glee. But the souls who enter the door of Envy look twisted and bitter. Like they've been stewing in that sin to the point that their souls are corrupt or something. I shudder to look at them.

And finally, I come to the forefront of the queue. Seven doors. Gluttony holds no enticement for me, food is good and all, but not so good that I'd spend the rest of eternity indulging. Lust isn't it either, sure I could probably enjoy myself for a good long while in there, but as eternity stretches, how long can you continue to find it interesting when it is constant fulfilment? Greed is out, that's for people with nothing inside of them, empty, hollow creatures desperate to fill the whole hole in them, and the only thing they pour into themselves is empty mammon. Wrath isn't my style either; even Valhalla had breaks in-between the battles to feast and party. Sloth has some merit, but really, I'd go mad without anything to do besides rest. And Envy is not going to happen. Thus, my eyes are drawn to the only door that seems unused. I've been here in this infinite DMV of the afterlife, watching people in a million queues march towards the seven doors of the seven sins, and none has ever used the rusty door of Pride. It is there, I can see it, and yet it isn't described in the pamphlet at all. Even Envy had some pictures with its laconic description. Not pleasant pictures mind you, but pictures all the same.

Pride is just there. And instead of entering any of the other doors, I walk with measured steps towards its ancient rusted frame. Wrenching it open is a titanic effort on my part, which is strange as I am dead and thus should not feel any physical strain, and yet I keep doing it. I keep opening the door. It creaks ominously as it opens just enough for me to slip inside. The noise of the souls behind me cuts off as the rusted gate closes with a deafening boom. Behind the door of Pride, I see it. Vast palatial halls stretch before me. Proud statues hold their heads and blades aloft into the air. In the distance I see a vast and ancient throne, and I approach it without fear. This is what I have chosen, and I do not fear the ramifications of my choice. Let any challenger come, I am prepared. I see a figure upon the throne as I approach it. Once it was a tall man. Once it was a man with a straight back and a imperious glare which could silence lesser men with fear. Once it was an emperor. Once it was an angel.

"Choose!' the voice of Satan boomed.

Flames licked the ceiling in forks around seven gates, the light revealing tunnels beyond to places I couldn't guess. Above each in crimson lettering was a title: pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth. The display was so impressive I might have been drawn in by it, if not for my knack for detail. I noticed that tucked away between two of the gates was a small door, much like a door you'd find in a corporate office. On the front, written in a small font was the word "PRIDE."

Never the one to take the beaten path, I headed straight for that door and didn't look back. It didn't bother me that I barely fit through the frame, or that Satan had just offered me an eternal pleasure of my choice. No, I had to take that door because I had to be a rebel. A hipster. Different.

I landed in a cubicle farm. There was nothing at all special about it - rows of cubes with those fake cardboard separators between them. When I looked around, I saw no one, which was strange given that I heard people furiously typing. I could only imagine the reports being generated. There was also the faint smell of coffee, I couldn't have been alone.

I started walking, staring into each cube to find it empty. When I came to the end of the row I saw a stack of papers on the desk. I grabbed one.

"PRIDE" - People Rejecting Imminent Demonic Embrace

You're here because sin isn't for you. You wanted a better option for your eternal fate. Here at PRIDE, we're constantly fighting back against Satan and his evil schemes. We're small and dedicated, and together we can shut down the gates forever. It all begins with...

Information.

Satan's gates are successful because people actually believe that their lives inside will be an endless pleasure. The reality is it's 1% pleasure and 99% hell. In the greed gate, the recipient has endless wealth - for five minutes of an 80-year lifespan. They get to buy whatever they want, then they spend 80 years wishing they could buy anything at all. As you can guess, nobody chooses to buy food and spends 80 years hungry.

Your goal in PRIDE is to get the word out about Satan and his gates. You'll be sending emails, text messages, cold calls, and other media to get people to believe you six days a week. On the seventh day, you'll rest and enjoy life poolside here at the PRIDE complex. Sounds pretty good, right?

I put the paper down, my head full of thoughts. The moment I started to walk away Satan's voice boomed from above.

"Don't believe that trash. The door is called PRIDE because it's pride. You just believe you can beat me instead of other people, and in truth, you probably believe you can beat other people too. So turn around, look for the red Exit sign, and come back. I'll take you through the real pride gate."

I considered what Satan said. He was right - I did believe I could beat other people. Maybe, deep down I believed I could beat Satan too.

"I need time to think," I said aloud.

"Don't. believe. the. lies." Satan said. "Life beyond the pride gate is wondrous to behold. You will be the best at everything and better than everyone. Nobody shall question you. Consider that versus a boring life in that office that produces nothing but lies and drivel. The pool party is lame too, there isn't even alcohol. You'll be enjoying watered-down lemonade and airplane-quality pretzels."

That sounded dreadful. I wondered if I could just try the other gate, see what was beyond it, then come back to this one. I didn't trust Satan to answer me honestly. If only I could find another soul in here, the person behind the typing, someone real to talk to. Why was Satan the only one speaking to me?

That's when I figured out it had to be a test of some kind. There could only be a few legitimate reasons why I couldn't see anyone and Satan could still talk to me, and one of those is that I hadn't quite made it to PRIDE yet.

I plunged forward. "No, Satan. I choose PRIDE."

"But, really, you should reconsider. Look how very lonely it is there."

"I don't believe it! Away with you!"

That's when Satan faded away and the angels appeared. One of them came up to greet me.

"Welcome. Few find us, and fewer pass the test. We're off the beaten path because what's right isn't usually popular, and only those who can see beyond the shimmer of how things appear can truly know us."

"Welcome to heaven," he extended his hand.

r/StoriesToThinkAbout

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