They truly didn’t know who we were.

“Look, I know I’m no Terrible Termite, and don’t approach the property damage levels of the Evil Weevil, but still,” I said to my team after the heroes had paraded us about the city and awarded us with honorary membership to their little ‘League’. “You’d think after three years of villainy I’d have built up at least a passing level of notoriety.”

“You’re telling me,” said the Ancient Aphid, our most senior—and I mean that in the geriatric sense—team member. “I’ve been a thorn in the side of these masked maniacs for going on 35 years and they still don’t recognize me? It’s downright discouraging.”

Our team of five was rounded out by the Gnotorious Gnat, the Furious Fruit Fly, the Calamitous Cricket, and yours truly, the Lucky Louse. We assembled as a villainous quintet a couple years back, ever since then our output had been quite prolific—or so we thought. It turns out that our antics posed nothing more than a mild inconvenience to the heroes of Homefront city.

“I can’t believe this,” said the Gnotorious Gnat. “They just paraded us around the city like we were heroes or something. The audacity! I’m going to have to change my name—I’ve clearly not lived up to it.”

“Oh shut your fuckin’ trap,” said the Furious Fruit Fly. “You losers are too short sighted. Does it chap my ass that they didn’t know who we are? Fuckin’ sure. Ok, you got me. But you’re not looking at the big picture. They think we’re in their group now—we’re under the radar! What’s better than being a pest?” She paused for a response.

The other members of the group were…well, let’s just saw that thinking wasn’t their strong suit. However, I knew just what she was getting at. “The only thing better than being a pest is being an undetected pest,” I said.

“Fuckin’ exactly!” Replied the Furious Fruit Fly. “We can run amok!”

“….,” said The Calamitous Cricket. He kept quiet as his sing-song voice could cave the building in on top of us. If I’m honest, I’m not sure why he ran with us—he could have led his own group of villains. He was that strong. Still, we were lucky to have him in the group, we’d not be in the position we were in without him having almost single-handedly defeated that other troupe of villains.

“What shall be our opening salvo?” Asked the Ancient Aphid. “It must send a message.”

“I say we go to the League HQ and smash all their dinnerware!” Said the Furious Fruit Fly. “That way, when they sit to have dinner they’ll be like ‘what happened to all our dinnerware?’ And then they’ll have to leave to go and purchase more. When they return—this is the best part—their dinner will be cold!” The Furious Fruit Fly let out a villainous cackle.

“Now who’s thinking small?” I ribbed. “That’s not enough. We need to cause some real bodily harm. Here’s what we do. We go into the HQ and we loosen the screws on all of their office chairs, that way when they sit down in them, they’ll collapse and the heroes will suffer injuries, maybe even bonk their heads.”

“That’ll never do,” said the Gnotorious Gnat. “There’s a big problem with your plan, Lucky. They’d have no way of know that it is us! We need something that puts our names on their radars.”

“I thought we were trying to stay under the radar, the whole ‘the only thing better than being a pest is an undetected pest’ thing. Remember?” I said.

“How the heck and I supposed to be Gnotorious if we stay undetected?” He said in a huff.

“Ok ok, what about this?” Said the Furious Fruit Fly. “We break all their dinnerware, but we assemble the broken ceramic in their bunk area so that they step on it when they get out of bed in the morning.”

“Diabolical!” I said.

“Ingenious,” said the Ancient Aphid.

“….,” said the Calamitous Cricket.

“What’s Gnotorious about that?” Said the Gnotorious Gnat.

“That’s the best part!” Said the Furious Fruit Fly. “We arrange the broken bits into our group name. It’ll spell out ‘The Sinister Small Things,” she said as she made a rainbow motion with her hands so we could picture it.

“I love it!” Said the Gnotorious Gnat.

“You think they’ll have enough dinnerware to spell out our whole name?” Said the Ancient Aphid.

“They’re heroes,” I said. “Of course they have enough dinnerware. Buncha prima donnas—can’t expect them to wash a dish.”

“….” Said the Calamitous cricket.

We were all in agreement. Our opening salvo would be one to remember. We’d finally earn our place in the minds of the public and heroes alike.

They would soon know who we were.

“Yeah, they bought it,” said the Calamitous Cricket. “Totally think we have no idea who they are….Yep, still small, scale stuff, I swear they’re harmless, but dumb as rocks. Hey, by the way, let the other guys know to wear shoes to bed next Wednesday….yeah for sure….easiest job ever. Hell, I don’t even have to talk—got these guys thinking I’d level a whole building with just my voice. They don’t know that the sound comes from my goddamn wings haha. Dimwits. I’m worried I might catch stupid by osmosis. Still, it’s nice to relax for once….yeah, you too. Bye now.”

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