I entered the "coffee shop" and was greeted by a familiar, albeit surprised, face behind the counter. "Y-you! I thought I killed you a houndred years ago!". "Nah, not really, I just was too bored to come back." "T-to... bored?" The expression on his face was priceless. He has been trieing to kill me for the better of six houndred years, one would think he'd have it figured out by now.
You see, there are two kinds of immortality - functional and real. Functional immortality means you don't die of old age, and usually not of sickness, but loosing your head might still do the trick. For me... it was the latter kind. Luck me. In Earl's eyes that made me biggest threat humanity could ever face and his sworn goal was to kill me for good. That even led to him seeking out immoartality as well, tho he only achieved the functional kind.
Some runes lit up on my skin as the teleportation spell he oh-so-sneakily weaved broke around me. Oh yeah that was the other thing. Amazing adaptibility. Sure, the last time he used it to teleport me into some black hole, incidentally that was how he thought he "killed" me, but to be honest - it was just an amazingly quite place to medidate. Once I grew bored tho, I just came back to earth. Sweat broke out on earls face, and I saw even more mana beeing pulled into his body. "Came back to take your revenge then?" he hissed.
"Huh?" had he really still not figured out that if I ever wanted him dead he would be dead? "Nah, just something to drink, thanks". That startled him and the flow of mana was briefly interrupted, then disspiated as his face quickly went through multiple motions: Surprise follwed his concentration, then a smile as he formed what I assumed was another scheme to kill me and finally the perfect friendly mask of customer service. "Oh, I didn't realize. I will bring one right up, just wait here". "Sure" I nodded, and went to the neirest chair. On the way there 3 different enchantments were automatically broken by my magic aura - one set to dismember, one teleport spell set directly into a sun (really, teleport again? When would earl learn that my auto-adaption made anything he threw at me a second time even more useless than the first?) and the last one with the intention to freeze me to absolute zero. I pittied the destruction of the last one, it would have made for a great drink cooler, I'm sure.
Anyways, it seems like Earl didn't really think me dead and prepared for my inevitable return. When I sat down the heat of a newborn star errupted below me, and I quickly contained it. "You are aware that the heatspell you weaved into the chair would have destroyed earth and all of humanity if I hadn't contained it when I set it off?". No answer. Typical. But I was the danger. Then again Earl was never one to consider collaterals on his path to save humanity from me.
Finally Earl returned. He seemed... hasty. And the cup he held practically glowed with enchantments. I wonder what he mixed up. "Here Miss, one Chai Latte Special, just for you, on the house". As I grabbed the Cup the enchantments broke. Their purpose was obviously some kind of reinforcement, as the cup instantly disintegrated as its contents splattered all over me and to the ground... and in the ground... and... deeper in the ground... fast... . I noticed my clothes were also disintegrating. "Awww, I wanted to drink that" I complained. Wonder how that would have tasted, I'm sure I never had anything like it. Once you grew into your second millenium you started to appreciate novel experiences. Earls face was shocked as I survived what he surely expected to be disintegrating me. "I... I'm sorry Miss, I will get you a new cup right away, on the house". "Thats so sweet, thanks Earl!". I smiled as he hurried past the kitchen into what was his laboratory... or.. .arcane sanctum? Experimentation place? Whatever. After a few minutes I threw another look into the holes in the ground. My drink was making its path towards the core of the earth, where it would wreck some serious havock. I sighed. Earl really should be more careful. A few guestures from me turned whatever that was into harmless water, forming a little puddle in the now several kilometers deep hole it tore into the earth.
Soon after Earl returned, with another cup. "Thanks Earl!" I exclaimed as I took the cup from him - not before replacing his enchantments with my own. This time there was one preventing any fumes from escaping the cup. Interesting. "Cheers!" I exclaimed sipping the "Chai Latte special #2". Not like anything I've ever tasted, but also not bad. Also, highly Toxic. As in: I would probably spent the next couple of days on Mars, as I was sure even sweating some of that stuff out would kill anyone in a couple-mile radius. Urinating into a toilet would probably kill the city and devastate the land for a couple of kilometers at least. Maybe even a houndred. Earls eyes bulged as I downed the rest of the cup. "Thanks Earl, that was great! What do I owe you... wait, what to people even pay with right now?". "Its... Euros. And don't worry, its on the house" Earl pressed out between clenched teeth. "Okay than, great, thanks!" I exclaimed cheerfully and waved my goodbye "I'll surely come around again, see you Earl!".
Earl really was a good sport, I thought painting smileys into the red earth of mars. A little bit reckless in his attempts to murder me, but he had good intentions at hearth and he was a nice little distraction from the endless boredom of immortality. I sighed, preparing myself for another 4 days of red sand and nothing else.