There are many questions circling around my mind at this moment. There are usually questions. One did not rise to my position without a healthy element of... wary curiousity. Or paranoia, if you wanted to be blunt about it.

They say it's not paranoia if they're out to get you though, and there are no shortage of enemies when you list your occupation as 'Supervillain' on your tax forms - and when you've lasted as long as I have, it doesn't get any shorter.

So questions such as 'How did you get this number?' and 'Why in the Nine Hells are you calling me?' are perfectly reasonable. Some might question why I even have a phone, but it's the twenty first century. Get with the times or get gone.

I can't say this isn't the first phone call I've answered where the other person is an inconsolable mess of tears though, which at least helped me figure out what was going on.

"Stop," I commanded, using my 'I Am A Very Dangerous Person And You Should Listen To Me' voice. I don't have a gentler setting - it's not something I've looked into. "Breathe. From the beginning. I know you are capable of that much."

The voice on the other end lets out a ragged, hiccuping sob. "They killed Ace-"

"Which one? Ace of Spades, Ace Hart, the Amazing Ace-"

"No! My dog!"

I blinked. "And 'they' are...?"

"My... folks. They... I forgot to-to load the dishwasher and they just-they said if I couldn't be responsible for that then clearly I couldn't take care of him so they just-"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, silently glad I wasn't wearing my mask. I rarely did when I was in my lair. Not that I had much of a secret identity to preserve - the mask was part of the costume. The persona. It's harder to be taken seriously without it.

"-then they found my-some stuff and said if I was going to be a f-that they couldn't raise someone like me and-"

Silently, I gestured for a familiar to fetch me a drink, and after a small bow, she moved along.

"-just didn't know who else to turn to and I know it's ridiculous and stupid and insane but... can I... stay... at your lair?"

Silently, calmly, I hit the 'Mute' button my mobile so I could let out a long, frustrated noise without him hearing me. Satisfied I'd expressed myself, I took a moment to compose myself once again, and unmuted. "You. Want to stay at my lair. My hidden lair. My hidden lair of villainy. You. My lair."

"... Is that a no? Do I-I need to make a contract? I... can..."

"What? No! For the love of-I do not make contracts with children."

"... I'm fifteen."

"I know how old you are!" Were it not for the enchantments I'd placed on the phone, it would probably be shattered in my grip right now. "The human brain doesn't finish developing until your twenties, at the earliest and that is hardly the point of contention here!" I took a slow, calming breath. "I categorically refuse to believe I am your only option. Frankly, I refuse to believe you're even considering this as an option."

"... I tried everyone else. The Federation just said I should talk to my parents that I should work things out but they don't want to work things out! They won't even talk to me now, and if I try to go back, they just shout at me!"

"You have your meddlesome little friends."

"None of them can help even if they wanted to. Kiraz doesn't even have a home - she just... floats in space."

Right. Her. Frustrating little alien thing but fascinating powers... not the point. "Shelters."

"I... don't really feel comfortable there. What if I get harassed? I don't want to use my powers or anything against normal people and-"

I'm not considering it. I'm not. We're on opposite sides. We're enemies. I've half killed him, and he's done the same to me. But a little part of me will never forget being cold, hungry and alone. Well. A large part of me, really.

"... I'm going to send you an address. There will be rules. We are not 'friends'. We are not 'roommates'. And when we meet in the field, we will be enemies. Do you understand?"

"Thankyouthankyouthank-"

I hit the End Call button. Honestly. What has the world come to, that the Tyrant Devil is playing babysitter to the incarnation of Barachiel?