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attackula_ t1_j9wn65z wrote

This was pretty good, you're really creative! I like the attention to detail you have in your writing; things from the practiced motions Janet does when on camera to the tail thumps representing Dalia's nodding, those little touches are such a treat. I also really like the addition of the translator and how you used it to dictate the flow of the conversation; it's an interesting semi-framing device, or a double-framing device maybe, as the conversation is happening on live television. Overall, this was a great read, very entertaining. My only gripe was your use of dialogue tags; it's a bit excessive, since Janet and Dalia are the only two speaking for the majority of the scene. It's necessary when the producer chimes in, when one of the characters gestures while speaking, or when the translater is acknowledged. I'd say you should ease up on the tags when the convo is flowing back and forth between the two that are speaking. Again, I was very pleased with what you wrote. Good luck in your endeavors, from one writer to another!

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