PennBadley t1_ja9az7y wrote
The ghost I live with can be a real dick.
It took some time getting used to him. And he's cost me thousands in electric repairs with his constant flickering.
I get it. I'm in his space. All his loved ones are dead. He can't move on. Yadda yadda yadda... doesn't mean you get to turn the T.V. off right before the game winning field goal.
But you know what they say. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Turns out ol' Cornelius wasn't a fan of some of the recent changes the HOA was making. Something about a new home being propped up on his family's graveyard.
Me, on the other hand, I just wanted to put in a basketball hoop and to let my friends park on the street overnight.
But that would be unsightly.
I'm a good neighbor. I keep to myself, mow my lawn, and, most importantly to them, I pay my dues.
But the HOA is a group of the belief that to have fun is to sin. Seriously, those guys make a monastery look like a rave in the early 1990s.
No loud music outdoors after dark. No more than 3 cars parked in front of your house at all times. No above ground pools. Kids couldn't even ride bikes past dusk without getting a lovely call and reminder from my neighbor, Tabitha, the head of the HOA.
So, when I got an email the other day that my Saturday BBQ (that ended at 7 p.m. per HOA rules) was "too loud" and "unbecoming" of our neighborhood, I reached my breaking point.
And then a light bulb went off. But that was just Corny in the living room.
I went to where he was and pulled out my Ouija board.
"Hey, Cornelius, can you travel outside this home?"
I watched the thing move over to YES on the board.
"Wait, really? What are you always bugging me for, then? Go out in the world. Live a little."
The thing moved over to GOODBYE.
"Wait, wait, wait. We might be able to save your family's grave."
The television flipped on to the T-Birds singing to John Travolta "Tell me more! Tell me more!"
"Okay," I continued. "Well, when I first moved in, Tabitha told me this house was haunted and that she could never live in it cause she hated ghosts." I paused.
"Sorry, buddy. Some people just are stuck in their outdated ways. Anyways... She's the one pushing for new developments and the home going in over your kids' dead bodies."
The Ouija board spelled out GO ON.
"I mean, do I have to spell it out for you? I can use the board if you want. Just go over there. Haunt the beejesus out of her and make her sell her home."
The radio turned on. "Okay! Yeah!" said Lil' John.
The following night, I sat on my patio while I watched Cornelius turn Tabitha's home into on big strobelight.
The pots were banging, the cupboards swinging, and the home owner shrieking.
Not two days later was there a For Sale sign next door.
My Alexa started playing The White Stripe's "We Are Going To Be Friends.""
There's an election upcoming for the new president of the association.
Suddenly, I've gotten really into politics.
Fancy-Information757 t1_ja9sp09 wrote
This sounds like the beginning of a kid’s cartoon or a sitcom
SamuelVimesTrained t1_jabzdzr wrote
Either way - i`d watch this.
If a book series - i`d read it.
razzec_phone t1_jacibws wrote
Right?! I want more and I don't really care what media format it's in.
Siren_of_Madness t1_jab4lll wrote
>And then a light bulb went off. But that was just Corny in the living room.
I snorted
jeffh4 t1_jaa255m wrote
Shades of Christine for the ghost's communication method. That added a spark of "neat" to the story.
Amar_Pakistan t1_jaaajnt wrote
I love this
LaserRanger_McStebb t1_jacc0d9 wrote
> And then a light bulb went off. But that was just Corny in the living room.
lol, this line got a good chuckle out of me
TheGalator t1_jacbfe0 wrote
Ever understood this HOA thing? Just don't? No way it's a real institution
LaserRanger_McStebb t1_jaccjth wrote
Unfortunately they're real. They're most common in North America/the U.S.
Basically it's a group of stuck-up property investors masquerading as homeowners that have banded together and formed a cult tiny local government to enforce certain rules in the name of keeping property values high in their neighborhood.
Because (at least in America) home values are based largely on "comps", that is, comparable homes that have sold recently, keeping the value of all the homes in your neighborhood high is the same as keeping the value of your own home high.
So they make people bend backwards to follow all these idiotic rules, all so they can make sure their property stays as valuable as possible...
As you can imagine, this attracts some of the most sociopathic people you'll ever meet.
Read some more horror stories from r/FuckHOA
TheGalator t1_jacdm2w wrote
...and they have legal authority? What happens if u do not do it? U get sent to jail?
LaserRanger_McStebb t1_jace5t3 wrote
No, but if you break their arbitrary rules they have the authority to fine you. And if you don't pay the fines, some even have the authority to foreclose on your property until you pay up. If you don't pay up when you're foreclosed on, you're forced out of the house (just like with a normal mortgage default foreclosure)
They're an evil invention and I'll do whatever it takes to never live in one.
TheGalator t1_jacfp2t wrote
Lmao the US gets worse and worse the more I learn
LaserRanger_McStebb t1_jacgtmg wrote
You're telling me, boss. I have to live in this hellhole.
BethsMagickMoment t1_jadhzr6 wrote
You can get hefty fines and penalties for not abiding by these stupid laws like for example if you rake your leaves and they are picked up by a tree truck or something like that then they will not pick up your leaves if they are not X amount of feet from the mail box or driveway or the wind blows them into the road. You can’t plant trees in the ground, they have to be in huge pots but not on the patio or and it gets stranger like having to spend money on their neighborhood restaurants or facilities in addition to your dues and jumping through the rest of their hoops. No parking, not letting your dog out between certain times of the day and night, no packages left on your porch or door overnight etc and they actually have people driving around to enforce their stupid rules.
One of the reasons is the damn power it gives them. I housesat for my boss for two weeks and she got a fine because I put her trash bins out before I went to bed because I had to go to work early and I didn’t realize that I had to wait until 5:00am to set them out. She sold her house less than a year later!
SirKaid t1_jacl92c wrote
There are some circumstances where a HOA is important. If you're living in a condo complex, for example, you need a HOA to gather the money to repair collective property.
It's insane for nearly anything that doesn't revolve around collective property, though.
TheGalator t1_jacmcjb wrote
Collective property just sounds dumb in general
SirKaid t1_jacoxlc wrote
It's things like a swimming pool or rec room for an apartment complex. No individual apartment could possibly fit or afford a pool or a billiards table, but if every condo pays five dollars a month toward maintenance of such amenities then everyone gets to enjoy them.
Ms_Emilys_Picture t1_jaco9s8 wrote
Not really. If the neighborhood has a playground, pool, or sidewalks -- someone has to keep them safe, clean, and mow the grass occasionally.
TheGalator t1_jacpoqr wrote
That's what taxes are for
Ms_Emilys_Picture t1_jacpvnw wrote
It's not city property. You need a pass to get into a neighborhood pool. City taxes aren't going to cover that.
TheGalator t1_jad5knz wrote
Feels strange. Playgrounds and so are all perfectly fine in Europe and most are covered by city taxes or institutions that work similar like the church
DrkAsura t1_jac6akj wrote
Lol, I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you!
Towtruck_73 t1_jad3uou wrote
That was hilarious! I had a mental image of a band of ghosts, some of them showing up at the HOA president's door as full apparitions. Together they stand as if they were 18th century cops planning on evicting them. "YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES!"
[deleted] t1_jac7yq9 wrote
[removed]
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