Said the child as he approached the group of men who were robbing him at knife point.

The men laughed, not knowing what would be worse than death. The child, only armed with a school pencil, lunged forward at his assailants- it did little, as the men easily pushed three small prepubescent boy to the ground and took his wallet.

As the men prepared to deliver the final killing blow, a faint song can be heard in the distance.

“Some body once told me….”

It sounded like… Smash Mouth, all stars.

Suddenly, one of the three robbers imploded, as Shrek emerged from his chest cavity. Covered in gore and completely naked, Shrek grabbed the other two robbers, crumpled them into a ball that resembled an onion, and stuck them between his big, smelly toes.

The boy looked on in horror, to which the Ogre Lord addressed him:

“Ah laddie. Better in than out I always say…”

The boy, knowing he failed Shrek by being defeated in combat, was powerless against him and his mighty Shrek energy. Shrek grabbed the boy, placed him in his mouth, and swallowed him whole- the boy’s screamed drowned out the by deafening sound of Smash Mouth- All Stars playing loudly from the background.