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Maybe in English, but they’re speaking Common, which is *very clearly* a different language, and not at all the same.

Counterspell is the name of the spell referenced. It's one word.

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The cleric Ulfgar Rudbeard stood upon the makeshift altar, dressed in his best +1 vestments in order to marry two of his best friends. As a grizzled dwarf-of-the-cloth, Ulfgar had seen many things in his time with this unlikely bunch, liches, mind flayers, alhoons, but he had never before seen love flourish within a dungeon.

When they’d first met in a tavern they were tasked with clearing out the rats in the basement, rest in peace Simon. At that point their resident tiefling, Breisis, was a scrappy rogue, her village destroyed she had taken up adventuring to get revenge. Standing opposite Breisis was Naivara, her elven features wreathed in flowers of druidic tradition. Naivara had started adventuring after her village was destroyed, in order to get revenge. But three evil emperors, a handful of near death, and a few death-death experiences later, the two were engaged. Naivara had healed Breisis’ broken heart, and Breisis had stolen Naivara’s.

They had decided to marry at the same tavern where they first met, conveniently set along the road to their next quest (something about a red dragon that was seeking to be emperor and going about it in a very evil fashion). Snapping back from the memories of their last year together Ulfgar prepared a handful of silver dust and was ready to begin.

“By the honor of the Great Smith, we have all come here today to witness-”

“Oh just skip to the vows, we all know why we’re here.” Interjected a cheerful Naivara.

“And the less time we spend yapping the more time we spend drinking!” Added Breisis with a smirk.

“Well then,” Ulfgar started again “Do you, Breisis Fiendblood, take Naivara Greenthumb as your wife? To love and to hold, in the poisoned condition and in health? And to receive a +2 to your armor class when within 30 feet of her?”

“I d-”

“COUNTERSPELL!”

The word rang out from the mostly drunk audience with the force of will and a certain vibrato that immediately identified its source. In brightly dyed leather festooned in equal parts filigree and bronze studs stood their Bard. Today Kaya Painter-of-Faces had chosen to look like an Orc, a mask that the changeling wore well, and one she would no doubt have formulated a name and complete cover story for later.

“How?” Questioned Ulfgar, his question lacked anger or even annoyance from the interruption, instead, it was suffused with profound confusion. “None of the Bard colleges teach that spell. When have you had the time to study Wizard arcana?”

“Oh, just some magical secrets I picked up here and there, you would be amazed what you can learn with a silver tongue… or quick fingers.” Kaya saw the blank stare on Ulfgar’s face and realized her innuendo was lost on the dwarf. She fished out a torn page covered in draconic writing from one of her pockets. “I swiped this off of a wizard a few towns back. Complete gibberish until we iced those bandits earlier today, then for some reason I understood how to counterspell. I guess murder is a potent study aid.”

Naivara finally asked the obvious, her face equal parts kind, understanding, and annoyed, in other words motherly. “Kaya, but why did you feel the need to try it out now and interrupt our wedding?”

“Oh, that. This is your special day, your story, and every memorable story needs some drama!

I also rolled poorly on my initiative so you started without me, and I wasn’t about to let you get this whole ceremony wrong. Now then, can’t have festivities without a song!”

With that Kaya pulled out her lute and tossed Ulfgar a fresh bag of silver, and the party began.

​

(Long-time reader, first-time writer. I hope you liked it! I mostly wrote it as a vehicle for a few DnD jokes. Criticism is welcome, I've been wanting to get better at writing for a while.)

Loved the jokes, especially their first mission being killing rats in a dungeon. I'm not a writer so I can't help you much there, but this bit is grammatically awkward.

>At that point their resident tiefling, Breisis, was a scrappy rogue, her village destroyed she had taken up adventuring to get revenge.

You also love commas a lot. I definitely identify with that. I had to make a conscious effort to break up sentences while writing school papers when I realized I would write entire half page paragraphs composed of 2 complete sentences. Consider breaking longer sentences up or varying punctuation to improve the flow.

I agree with the coma’s. My teacher said that I had coma-itas lol. Still have it to be honest.

Cute.

> receive a +2 to your armor class when within 30 feet of her

Is that a real bonus for married characters in D&D? I never played.

Yes, it is a real bonus.

It's one of the bonuses for the spell Ceremony.

Ducking bards

For 7 days

"Yes, I am Count Irspell. What say you against my marriage to Fyre Ball?"

I, too, have the comma curse.

That's very fair. I usually underestimate how much one sentence can flow into the next and end up gluing my thoughts together into run-ons. Glad to hear you liked the jokes!