Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

JustABoyAndHisBlob t1_j9pkjmu wrote

>>“VALLY”

“Behold the Angels!”

The sermon began the same way every week. I had been attending services regularly with my sister for almost a year now. Both our parents had been killed, and it wasn’t long before we found sanctuary in the reclaimed Cathedral, one of the few intact buildings in the area. I noticed a young child meekly take a seat in the rear pew.

Flyers for the “Church of One and All” littered barren streets, promising juice, coffee, and baked goods after services, an effort to restore a sense of community and faith in neighbors, all but lost in this age of hopelessness and constant paranoia.

Our parents feared we’d join the commune, a rapidly growing and expanding directly behind the ancient cathedral, walled off and protected.

The city used to house millions, within a year it was thousands, but the church was working to save as many as possible.

“…forever may they reign.” The reverend finished, raising his arms. There was a hum of tiny turbines, as dozens of small, aerial drones, lifted a few meters into the air. They emitted intense and multicolored light displays, pulsing in rhythmic patterns, bringing with them a sense of well-being that built to a crescendo of complete euphoria. It was if I was taking a warm and soothing bath after years of living on cold, dirty, ground.

The drones descended, the lights faded. The entire congregation was now visibly relaxed and content. We filed out the back to resume our labors, our newest congregant blissfully in tow. I changed into my work clothes and resumed stacking bodies. As I lifted and placed each corpse, I was grateful to the previous generations, whose ingenuity and later sacrifices, delivered us from evil. They brought forth the angels, truly a gift from god.


^299 ^words >> [1st edit: grammar] >> [2nd edit: Length, Clarity, and Content]

2

inexplicably-hairy t1_j9q9kgz wrote

the writing is good but the story is a bit boring

1

JustABoyAndHisBlob t1_j9r00oi wrote

Thanks for the feedback, I always appreciate people taking the time. I stream of consciousness-ed this one, trying to keep my word count low. If I am able, I will definitely try to make the story more interesting. Can you be more specific about what was boring? Concept, characters, tone, ect (or maybe the whole thing was? Lol I really don’t know) thank you again, I really want to improve wherever I can.

1