My SO was nervous. They are more squeamish about medical stuff overall, though. They had a friend that was previously on the waitlist for a kidney for long time, so that gave them some perspective.

I did it after learning about how many people wait for years to receive something life-saving that other people have and don’t really even ever think about in their daily life. I was a blood donor and on the Be the Match registry, so I was already comfortable with the general idea of “giving up” part of me (I don’t feel this way, but that’s how many people talk about it.) When I researched paired donation and found out the potential impacts of the chain reaction, I was even more convinced it was the right thing to do.

I underwent extensive psychological screening and counseling as part of the process, but it seemed like donors that know the recipient undergo other/ possibly more to ensure they’re not feeling pressured, explicitly or implicitly, to do it.

It’s not something I bring up in conversation because I really didn’t do it for attention and I get pretty awkward with some of the extreme praise (“you’re someone’s angel”). I also don’t want to seem like I’m on a soap box or trying to guilt people by something I say. I’m more comfortable talking about it here because you’re all strangers and maybe even jerks, haha.

Here’s what I want to say when people bring it up:

I wish more people would consider it because it was pretty easy in the grand scheme of things and didn’t change my life much at all. I didn’t suffer or sacrifice much, but hopefully the recipient benefited greatly. It didn’t make me a better person. It just had the potential to make a stranger better (physically), and that’s what matters.

I appreciate that much of this thread has been about the process, not one person’s “gift.” It took me a few tries to convince myself to post, but I hoped others would be interested in reading more about organizations that handle paired donation, including the group I went through.

I think I saw that AMA but didn’t participate. I think a better AMA would be with one of the coordinators or surgeons that is involved in the process. They all meet so many people for a short period of time but treat everyone so great. (Like most others in the U.S., I’ve been conditioned to expect frustrating, impersonal healthcare).

Here are 2 quick examples:

I was in awe of how my donation coordinator handled so many different people and tasks, all with genuine care. At one point, I was a potential match for someone and had to travel to the center for advanced testing. It was winter and my connecting flight got cancelled. It was only a few hours away, so after I told her repeatedly I was okay with it, she booked me a rental car. She checked in with me throughout the drive, offered to make sure the hotel had a meal ready for me upon arrival, etc.

I travelled from out of state to donate and when one of the surgeons found out, they invited me to their house for dinner during the week I was recovering locally. It was a low-key family dinner and we didn’t talk about the surgery. I appreciated it greatly.

I’m sorry for such a lengthy response. Like I said, I rarely ever talk about it and I think this was a bit of a healthy release of thoughts I keep to myself. Thank you!

There is a lot of scrutiny when you try to make a non directed donation. Here (in Canada) we can do it with a bunch of psychosocial screenings. I struggled to explain why I wanted to donate but basically with very minimal risk to myself I could give someone a decade or two of way better quality of life. It may seem purely altruistic but knowing that some stranger somewhere got a bit longer to live their lives is something very comforting. I did get an anonymous letter from him and it was a father of two who was able to go back ro work so his wife wouldn't carry that whole burden herself. He spoke about being able to see his kids grow up. To know I played a part in it meant a lot to me. That is my "benefit". It has in some way improved my mental health because no matter what I at least did that one good thing.