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Youarethebigbang t1_iyq89fy wrote

Reply to comment by ehmaybenexttime in A Philadelphia woman collects thousands of stuffed animals and brings them to seniors who are in need of a Christmas gift by AmethystOrator

You're exactly right, in my experience lonliness in the nursing home was probably the most common "ailment" among long term residents. I honestly think some died of lonliness, they just sort of gave up.

The saddest were parents who's kids would literally just drop them off and never be seen again, even if they lived in the area. It's one thing and bad enough to not have any family, but another to have family and they won't even visit you--I mean not even during the holidays. Most of them use the excuse that its too hard/depressing on them (the family) to visit a nursing home. Well what do they think its like being there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without even having the choice to leave?

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ehmaybenexttime t1_iyq8joc wrote

I remember walking around and just popping into rooms and saying hi. Some patients were more ornery than others, so I knew where to actually come in and spend time. Coming in to just let them be. I was a kid. It's not my place. But oh my gosh the time I would spend with the average patient was weird for me, and amazing for them. Old people smell will be smashed into my brain until I am an old person (willing that I get there!). People forget that elderly people are just humans who lived longer than they used to. They're special and important and have lots of things to tell us if we listen.

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Youarethebigbang t1_iyq9tjt wrote

You were doing God's work as a child, haha, that's great.

So my general thought or understanding is in the US, nursing homes are basically a drop off building for the old because the majority of residents have family that could actually take care of them if they wanted or were determined to. Most of the care they need most of the time isn't acute, and its very manageable.

Outside the US, or at least the West, as far as I know nursing homes aren't really even a thing. That is, the elderly are respected and valued and cared for by their entire family, they just make it work. Thats why most of the direct caregivers, at least in my area, are Asian and Hispanic. Generally their culture wouldn't even allow you to put an elder in a home, As a Filipina nurse told me, it would be "shameful" to do where she came from, the community would look down on you.

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ehmaybenexttime t1_iyqasub wrote

My mom said that her best nurses were from cultures that genuinely do respect older generations. Male or female, they seem to offer the a level of empathy, care and understanding the patients deserve.

Treatment of bed sores? It was a slap on the ass with medicine for some people, but some nurses understood that they were caring for an actual individual lives that a long, full life and this is where they were? Being abused by 25-year-olds with little patience? I loved those people. I was allowed to sit on the side of a man's bed and read him basically all of one of the Peanuts comics anthology books for no reason. I thought he might like it, I'm sure he didn't but he sure loved having me there.

I remember when I was like 12, because I moved to South Carolina when I was around that age, a man whispered if it was okay for us to try to go to the bathroom alone. He just wanted to do it for himself but I knew that I wasn't allowed to let that happen. So I told my mom that I was going to pretend that he was going on his own but I wanted a nurse right outside the door. He did get to the toilet. He was so proud of himself! He yelled through the door that he was going to sit down to pee, and "that wasn't wrong". I yelled back that it wasn't wrong! It was safe and I was proud of him. Again my mom was a nurse, so I knew what to say. He did eventually end up needing help getting up off of the toilet that I couldn't offer, and he would never have asked me to give him. Before anyone makes any jokes about the infirm, consider how you would like to be treated, and viewed after a lifetime of sacrifice, hard-working, love. Would you like to be treated like a child because your body doesn't work the way that it should anymore?

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