Submitted by AsslessBaboon t3_yk5ceq in UpliftingNews
Comments
BigTedBear t1_iusqsuh wrote
Panda just wants you to know Natural Selection isn’t always black or white.
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iusjuje wrote
>everyone loves pandas
I don't.
They're lazy, stupid, and they eat food with almost zero nutrient value.
They're Chinese koalas, and I hate those little fuckers too for the same reasons.
It's like evolution said "if you're inefficient, you'll die out!" and pandas went, "hold my beer".
You want a real animal? Try the African Cape Buffalo. There's a real animal!
Run around in massive herds, and work together to make sure you don't fuck with 'em. They've been known to circle back and ambush hunters when the shot doesn't kill them in one. And they're so good at it they've been nick-named "The Widowmaker" and "Black Death".
If you piss off the herd and try to escape up a tree, they'll just camp out until you either die of dehydration or come down and get what you've got coming. Also, if they knock you down, they'll wait for you to get back up. Then they'll knock you down again. And they'll keep that up until you're dead.
They've been known to surround lion prides and wipe them out before the lions attacked.
Or you can be a fan of a living bean-bag chair.
Dexton007 t1_iuskju4 wrote
What did the panda do to you man
keith714 t1_iusqmqv wrote
Dwight Schrute has a Reddit
DudesworthMannington t1_iuszgr2 wrote
False: Reddit has a Dwight Schrute.
chocolatemilk9 t1_iusq8hb wrote
Sounds like ur jealous of the panda’s life mate.
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iusqye3 wrote
^(I am...)
Heliolord t1_iuuewxm wrote
Fair enough. Fuckers are cute and rare so they basically get luxury digs, free food, porn, and guaranteed sexy times. Fuck pandas. I want that!
Frankiepals t1_iusog9h wrote
There’s always one isn’t there
BJs_Minis t1_iutfbfy wrote
Are you a ten year old? Do you think the value of pandas existing is zero because they're not "badass" enough?
Why the hell do you get mad at an entire species of animals? What did they do to you?
And lastly, who ISN'T lazy, stupid and only eats food with almost zero nutrient value? THOSE ARE MY FAVOURITE THINGS
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iutlryy wrote
THEY'RE MY FAVORITE THINGS TOO!
CpT_DiSNeYLaND t1_iuu61of wrote
So just mad that you gotta pay bills and shit then so we can eat food with no nutritional value.
Makes sense.
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iuxcn0u wrote
See? /u/CpT_DiSNeYLaND gets it!
WrethZ t1_iut8nhk wrote
Koalas and Pandas were both surviving just fine until humans destroyed their habitat.
DaSh4You t1_iusox0t wrote
I’m sure you have a punchable face if you hate pandas.
JohnOliverismysexgod t1_iut7cmq wrote
Although I share your admiration for the Cape Buffalo, I also like pandas. And koalas. Just giving a shout-out to those odd denizens of evolution.
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iut9cpg wrote
I too would love Koalas if they weren't chlamydia-ridden horror-monsters that sound like a drowning chain-saw.
Resafalo t1_iutbzd0 wrote
You’re right but your logic fails when you see how cute Pandas are
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iutltcg wrote
Stuff them all.
Problem solved!
slartzy t1_iutykfg wrote
TIL I am a panda.
simulacrum81 t1_iutu0t7 wrote
To be fair to koalas they were perfectly evolved for their niche and quite successful and plentiful before we came in and radically altered their environment. They suffer from the same problem as a lot of native Australian and NZ animals - over the millennia they became hyper-specialized for an environment with no agriculture, few predators and limited contact with humans. Ground dwelling flightless birds, to take another example, are well adapted to a life of foraging on the forest floor, but it takes the introduction of a handful of rats or feral cats to wipe out the species.
Whereas pandas, it seems, have always been very rare. We have ancient Chinese drawings of all sorts of animals that are native to China.. even non-native animals like lions and elephants, but there are no surviving depictions of pandas.. They were bears - fully adapted carnivores with the muscle mass, claws, teeth and digestive system for meat eating, who for some reason decided to go vegan.
bradye0110 t1_iutacxz wrote
You’re so quirky
stockpiece t1_iut3nq4 wrote
I think this is my favorite comment ever
[deleted] t1_iutmgnf wrote
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senzox t1_iutqjni wrote
yea, i like buffalo wings as well
ymmotvomit t1_iuujui9 wrote
u/PM_ME_C_CODE, don’t hold back.
The_Black_Strat t1_iuv7yex wrote
Calm down son it's just reddit
Mactan t1_iusnpc0 wrote
That means war
SatansPrGuy t1_iutwhiz wrote
He just wanted to teach them the dangers of sexual harassment
Confident-Area-6946 t1_iutdr2d wrote
They bugged him, he’s under cover for the CPP
SentientCrisis t1_iursc3c wrote
Is that guy smoking??
Modare80 t1_iusnv6v wrote
Why did I have to scroll down so far to see someone else ask this question?
porkminer t1_iuthi4i wrote
It's attached to a chain that goes to the lanyard around his neck. Probably a pen or penlight.
GladMind3458 t1_iutr586 wrote
It's a whistle. Used to give command to the panda. The entire zoo is no smoking area
[deleted] t1_iut8k17 wrote
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Winjin t1_iutdbw9 wrote
I thought it's a needle cartridge, but... Even closing the pic up I can't really tell. But this doesn't really look like a cigarette close up. Looks plastic and much longer
Kersenn t1_iusgk1a wrote
The title made me think experts on China went to Taiwan to help a sick panda and I was confused.
Code2008 t1_iuuil76 wrote
Isn't the reason being that China owns all the Pandas in the world, so if something's wrong with them, they have to be the ones to tend to it?
[deleted] t1_iuwen8x wrote
I believe that panda, its mate and its descendants were all gifted to Taiwan outright. Tuan Tuan, the panda in question is already on palliative care due to a brain tumour and mainland researchers were invited to view its last stages to maybe learn something that can further their knowledge on pandas and also to provide advice on whether the panda's might be able to survive an operation to remove the tumour.
AsslessBaboon OP t1_iurfl2r wrote
The video in the article.
But for those preferring a direct YouTube link to a different video with the same story. (Albeit not as informative as the article video)
Send your good vibes to Tuan Tuan so he can be back to playing with his mate, Yuan Yuan.
Friendly-Candidate25 t1_iurj857 wrote
They're spies.
AsslessBaboon OP t1_iurjf2u wrote
I'd legit release state secrets to them.
Heck, even my browser history.
baseilus t1_iurzbzl wrote
who?
the panda or the expert
Friendly-Candidate25 t1_ius8181 wrote
They're in kahoots
Plisq-5 t1_iut0z7k wrote
Yes
[deleted] t1_iutth8o wrote
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Llamasxy t1_iurvqg2 wrote
No, just good PR for the PRC internally. They can spin it to make the Republic of China look inept.
[deleted] t1_iuscy38 wrote
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DamnBored1 t1_iurv0vp wrote
Does Taiwan not have Panda experts? Or did China borrow a page from Apple's book and refuse "Right to Repair"?
bohemiantranslation t1_ius0qhy wrote
All Pandas are more or less "owned" by China. They "rent" them out (for the entire lives) to other countries. Im not positive but I think they also send people out to both check up on the pandas and take them back if that country has displeased the CCP. They basically use them as political bargaining chips from what i can remember.
C_Madison t1_ius17p8 wrote
> They basically use them as political bargaining chips from what i can remember.
DamnBored1 t1_ius8359 wrote
And this kind of diplomacy works? Are countries really like "let's go out of our way to keep ccp happy even if it does not align with our larger stance, else we'll lose out on a few zoo animals"
Vampman500 t1_iusvako wrote
Yes it does, but not because of the threat they’ll be taken away.
It’s a form of soft power. An effort to make citizens of another nation to like your nation more, and as a result encourage their government to be friendlier. America makes movies which depict America as the place to be. England exports Doctor Who. France capitalized on the love of the Eiffel Tower. China? They export pandas and martial arts.
bohemiantranslation t1_iusjlz4 wrote
Im really not sure how effective it is. Im sure it helps smooth over small things but I doubt anything truly serious would ve fixed by China dangling the pandas over western countries. Though a zoo that has a panda is increasingly rare which in turn would be a tourism draw so I doubt any state/country that has one would want to loose it. Im often extremely surprised at how many politicians etc that are willing to roll over and do China's bidding.
Sinful_Hollowz t1_iut1e5g wrote
San Diego Zoo used to have one but it was sent back to China.. now the zoo isn’t as popular
JohnOliverismysexgod t1_iut7k8p wrote
Do you know of any other reason why China would acknowledge the existence of Taiwan?
Bionic_Ferir t1_iuswzwb wrote
I was thinking about it and decided to look it up there is only one place in the entire southern hemisphere to have pandas and bizzarly it's adalaide zoo
No_Caregiver_5740 t1_iurxcbp wrote
Its hard to have panda experts when you have no pandas lololol
DamnBored1 t1_iushed8 wrote
I wish that applied for all animals. I have seen hundreds of tigers and elephants in American zoos. Never heard of the US inviting experts from Asia to visit them because they don't have experts for animals that aren't found in the wild in the US. Maybe they do and I have some knowledge gap in which case please correct me.
No_Caregiver_5740 t1_iutccfg wrote
The difference is that the US can get people into these countries but Mao era china? not many animal researchers that really could
a_melanoleuca_doc t1_iutfnx4 wrote
Just like any other kind of medicine or pretty much any field, there are specialists and people who are just better or more experienced than others. Specialists from Europe and the US go to China to help panda holding facilities all the time and vice versa. And with the extreme scrutiny on pandas they have to do everything possible if an animal is sick.
deadlywaffle139 t1_iutujfp wrote
I think the zoo vet took a look and couldn’t figured it out. Panda was getting worse. No one really has panda experts outside of China because China is the only one that can study them in details. So they had to fly in an expert.
prylosec t1_iussup9 wrote
Shouldn't they have sent a Panda expert?
[deleted] t1_iut6f09 wrote
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PufferFish_Tophat t1_iutygqf wrote
This isn't that surprising. Technically All Pandas are loan from China. If there's a problem with your model, you call the dealer.
benmalakian2 t1_iuttlb0 wrote
surely China just saw this as taking care of their own panda
Shot_Sprinkles_6775 t1_iuu7oji wrote
Scientists are generally pretty global minded. It’s probably just that whoever usually wouldn’t let them go was like oh shit the panda okay go
adam_sons t1_iuskwnm wrote
There are only less than 1800 such pandas in the world
travisbyrdjr t1_iut7jzg wrote
Read up on Panda Diplomacy. It’s a real thing.
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[deleted] t1_ius29ur wrote
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This_Passenger_1002 t1_iut4p15 wrote
For a second I thought it was the people in the cage
JohnOliverismysexgod t1_iut6xd9 wrote
See? We can get along!!
OCE_Mythical t1_iutwsq5 wrote
But like why china? Surely there are other panda experts out there. Thought they strongly disliked china.
Ironfingers t1_iuu03fc wrote
Is that dude smoking a cigarette?
LeapIntoInaction t1_iuu07wq wrote
Apparently, they mean "Chinese experts", and not experts on China.
talanhorne t1_iuummnp wrote
That makes me a sad panda...
TerryTC14 t1_iuvj7lr wrote
I'm just imagining the Chinese sending a "Team of Experts" no less than 20 people, suspiciously heavy bags, demanding to go to multiple government and military areas that have nothing to do with pandas and demanding time unsupervised while there and one actual expert who wants to help.
thereader17 t1_iut1cmn wrote
They’re sending spies to Taiwan
BigTedBear t1_ius4s92 wrote
Panda diplomacy is one of China’s most successful programs everyone loves pandas.
Hopefully they can help the Bear in question.