Submitted by AsslessBaboon t3_yk5ceq in UpliftingNews
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iusjuje wrote
Reply to comment by BigTedBear in China experts visit Taiwan to help sick panda in rare point of contact by AsslessBaboon
>everyone loves pandas
I don't.
They're lazy, stupid, and they eat food with almost zero nutrient value.
They're Chinese koalas, and I hate those little fuckers too for the same reasons.
It's like evolution said "if you're inefficient, you'll die out!" and pandas went, "hold my beer".
You want a real animal? Try the African Cape Buffalo. There's a real animal!
Run around in massive herds, and work together to make sure you don't fuck with 'em. They've been known to circle back and ambush hunters when the shot doesn't kill them in one. And they're so good at it they've been nick-named "The Widowmaker" and "Black Death".
If you piss off the herd and try to escape up a tree, they'll just camp out until you either die of dehydration or come down and get what you've got coming. Also, if they knock you down, they'll wait for you to get back up. Then they'll knock you down again. And they'll keep that up until you're dead.
They've been known to surround lion prides and wipe them out before the lions attacked.
Or you can be a fan of a living bean-bag chair.
Dexton007 t1_iuskju4 wrote
What did the panda do to you man
keith714 t1_iusqmqv wrote
Dwight Schrute has a Reddit
DudesworthMannington t1_iuszgr2 wrote
False: Reddit has a Dwight Schrute.
chocolatemilk9 t1_iusq8hb wrote
Sounds like ur jealous of the panda’s life mate.
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iusqye3 wrote
^(I am...)
Heliolord t1_iuuewxm wrote
Fair enough. Fuckers are cute and rare so they basically get luxury digs, free food, porn, and guaranteed sexy times. Fuck pandas. I want that!
Frankiepals t1_iusog9h wrote
There’s always one isn’t there
BJs_Minis t1_iutfbfy wrote
Are you a ten year old? Do you think the value of pandas existing is zero because they're not "badass" enough?
Why the hell do you get mad at an entire species of animals? What did they do to you?
And lastly, who ISN'T lazy, stupid and only eats food with almost zero nutrient value? THOSE ARE MY FAVOURITE THINGS
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iutlryy wrote
THEY'RE MY FAVORITE THINGS TOO!
CpT_DiSNeYLaND t1_iuu61of wrote
So just mad that you gotta pay bills and shit then so we can eat food with no nutritional value.
Makes sense.
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iuxcn0u wrote
See? /u/CpT_DiSNeYLaND gets it!
WrethZ t1_iut8nhk wrote
Koalas and Pandas were both surviving just fine until humans destroyed their habitat.
DaSh4You t1_iusox0t wrote
I’m sure you have a punchable face if you hate pandas.
JohnOliverismysexgod t1_iut7cmq wrote
Although I share your admiration for the Cape Buffalo, I also like pandas. And koalas. Just giving a shout-out to those odd denizens of evolution.
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iut9cpg wrote
I too would love Koalas if they weren't chlamydia-ridden horror-monsters that sound like a drowning chain-saw.
Resafalo t1_iutbzd0 wrote
You’re right but your logic fails when you see how cute Pandas are
PM_ME_C_CODE t1_iutltcg wrote
Stuff them all.
Problem solved!
slartzy t1_iutykfg wrote
TIL I am a panda.
simulacrum81 t1_iutu0t7 wrote
To be fair to koalas they were perfectly evolved for their niche and quite successful and plentiful before we came in and radically altered their environment. They suffer from the same problem as a lot of native Australian and NZ animals - over the millennia they became hyper-specialized for an environment with no agriculture, few predators and limited contact with humans. Ground dwelling flightless birds, to take another example, are well adapted to a life of foraging on the forest floor, but it takes the introduction of a handful of rats or feral cats to wipe out the species.
Whereas pandas, it seems, have always been very rare. We have ancient Chinese drawings of all sorts of animals that are native to China.. even non-native animals like lions and elephants, but there are no surviving depictions of pandas.. They were bears - fully adapted carnivores with the muscle mass, claws, teeth and digestive system for meat eating, who for some reason decided to go vegan.
bradye0110 t1_iutacxz wrote
You’re so quirky
stockpiece t1_iut3nq4 wrote
I think this is my favorite comment ever
[deleted] t1_iutmgnf wrote
[removed]
senzox t1_iutqjni wrote
yea, i like buffalo wings as well
ymmotvomit t1_iuujui9 wrote
u/PM_ME_C_CODE, don’t hold back.
The_Black_Strat t1_iuv7yex wrote
Calm down son it's just reddit
Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments