Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

Fender6187 t1_iu2lniy wrote

Reply to comment by zxDanKwan in Whoever said its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved, clearly never dated a narcissist by [deleted]

My mom is a narcissist, but my dad will never leave her. She’s a drunk as an added bonus. Growing up around that sucked. My sister and I were constantly gaslit into believing that we were to blame for her rage and pain. I still have problems knowing when I should be upset in my own marriage. To her credit she never hit us, but the mind games were probably just as bad.

50

9Lives_ t1_iu3i9kz wrote

Do you think she drinks as a way to escape the shame of her narcissistic ways that like 99% of them just sweep under the rug?

Im convinced there are so many I diagnosed narcissists that don’t even know they have it. It seems as common as introverts/extroverts. Like at what point is something a disorder and at what point is it just a fundamental nature of human being?

10

justsaysso t1_iu3tuh9 wrote

Narcissism is a spectrum from healthy self love to destructive. It's ridiculously over-diagnosed by people that have no clue.

10

Fender6187 t1_iu4a9fi wrote

She doesn’t drink because she a narcissist, but she definitely thinks her own emotions and feelings on any matter are more important than everyone else’s.

Most recently, my sister broke up with her BF of five years and my mom liked the dude a lot. She felt hurt when my sister ended things and took it out on her. This was months ago and she still says awful things to her about it. Not once did she ever think to console her or understand why the relationship ended. She made it about her. This is what she does.

4

UDPviper t1_iudji8v wrote

My mom once asked me if I ever thought about how much it hurt her to watch me go through a divorce. I was so shocked that I couldn't even form a reply.

If you had a loved one that was dying from cancer, would you rail on them because they never recognized how hard it was to watch them going through it, as if that was more horrible than actually being the one dying from cancer?

This is my mom.

1

flyingcamel19 t1_iu3xnyv wrote

So true. It's insane the amount of time it's thrown around as a buzzword.

3

hopelesscaribou t1_iu3nyx2 wrote

There's a difference between have some narcissistic traits, and being a full blown narcissist, who justify their behavior, rather than being shamed by it.

9

Fender6187 t1_iu49ldu wrote

I think she drinks because even at 60 years of age, she still doesn’t know who she really is. She projects a person she wishes she was to other people, but that person isn’t her, and as a result she is never comfortable in her own skin. So she numbs that negative affect with drinking.

It’s easy to expose by just trying to have a real conversation with her. Ask her how something makes her feel. What she likes to do, etc. you will see the simulation for what it is.

5

Nihilikara t1_iu3lmuz wrote

>Like at what point is something a disorder and at what point is it just a fundamental nature of human being?

Are the two mutually exclusive?

2

TimeSuck5000 t1_iu4t9hj wrote

Narcissists typical don’t feel shame. That’s the thing. So my totally uninformed guess is: No, probably not.

1

JumpWithScissors t1_iu3fznw wrote

Idk, maybe I'm blessed or just gaslit, but it looks like everyone on reddit has a narcissist parent. Probably why we are here in the first place

3

UDPviper t1_iudismx wrote

I'm sure it's different for women, but words hurt more than fists, IMO.

1