Was told once by someone I didn’t even recognise at all to my face that I was a coward. That was the last I ever heard from that person.

In a way it’s a lot worse than I make it out to be. I used to be very careless because I thought I’d seen or could at least imagine the worst of it when in fact growing up has taught me to be a lot more careful. I didn’t disregard dangers or even try to be avoiding, I figured at the time that it would be worse for me to drag people down with the sorry state I was in and that no matter your perception, there’s always more things at play than preparedness or perception allows and that it’s skewed from time to time.

When people would stand up for me I didn’t choose to stand in the back, I’d been pushed there and even threw myself into the fray when I saw no way out for the ones around me.