You see, there’s a pizza basement that isn’t a basement and you can buy it on Wayfair and the basement’s name is Cynthia.

And if you subtract some of those letters (the ones that are Satan letters) and only count the Angel letters in that sentence, and then multiply the number of those letters by 48, and then repeat the resulting number in a public library while spinning in circles until you barf and fall over, you’ll fall through the trap door where I’m just hanging out, eatin’ babies and high-fiving copies of the NAMBLA magazine that all of my income goes to support.

Because that’s how we support pedophilia. It’s a way more effective way of doing it than say, eliminating and eroding age of consent laws, or making sure kids don’t get access to sex education, or making sure they can’t have discussions about consent with trusted mandated reporters in the school system.