This will be my very final post addressing this topic as this will be my 3rd time posting about this on Reddit; More to the point, I’m a 19 year old male and for around a year I’ve had bouts with what is major depressive disorder. I’ve had my up’s and downs and even now, while I do feel better and have a greater tenacity of motivation and self preservation, a loving girlfriend, and a job now, I still cannot enjoy music. Let’s talk about it; So as stated, for a year I’ve been depressed but what had kept me here to this very day was none other than music. I would listen to manifolds of genres and browse the RYM community and all in all enjoy myself while my outside world was the gloom that it was. It was until then and multiple depressive episodes that one thing had changed my whole life and one that I had presumed would be for the better, how I was wrong. Days away from my graduation, I had been texting this girl that blindly became an interest of mine for the 1-2 weeks we had been talking. I would graduate and shortly after meet up with this girl, we did in fact and the date would go good, though a day later had told me she had lost feelings, it was long distance, and she felt she was leading me on. I was stricken with a sense of heartbreak that would later devolve into new territory of isolation, self doubt, and suicidal thoughts. It was then that the very thing that had supported me in the prior episodes of depression would be gone. It was around a few days after the breakup had transpired that I noticed I heard the sound of music holistically different: My mind would now gravitate towards the impact and sounds of the percussion opposed to what it once had been. This has been a reoccurring theme since June mind you, and while spurts of music and songs have definitely kept my attention and love, it still feels jarringly different and in worst cases, I get no feeling at all from what is being played. Though I would mitigate my depression with weight lifting, TV, and overall thinking more positively, there still is a sinking doubt left in my brain that has remained with me for the course of its inception. I have not seen a psychiatrist for this yet, though I had been on a lower dosage of Zoloft of which I would shortly after take myself of by virtue of me feeling worse. I legitimately haven’t a clue what this could be or how it had gotten into me, that’s why I’m on here. I have thought about distancing myself from music for a few months in hopes this will all go away, a shadow of a doubt still scars my mind with this sense of aspiration. I should also note that I have been diagnosed with depression, ADHD, ADD, and perhaps Asperger’s when I was young as well, though of words of other doctors, that diagnosis would be shot down. Again I’m posting this in hopes that someone can maybe point a finger on what maybe the issue here. Thanks for the read otherwise <3