Don't drive by yourself with just your learner's permit. You don't want to take the chance of getting caught. That would not help your situation.

But DON'T give up! I've been depressed periodically through my life, and I've failed driver's tests. I feel for you. It's tough. But you will feel better and you will eventually pass the test.

Please, please keep trying. Keep asking your father and grandmother to drive with you as much as possible. Your driving & confidence will improve. Things will get better for you even if it doesn't feel like it right this moment.