You have how you feel to things and a stimulus that makes you feel things.

But you also have a choice. You know the pattern. This gives you a choice.

Remember when you first learned to ride a bike and how scary it was. Now remember what it's like now after you've done it a thousand times. It doesn't have to be scary every single time. Bike doesn't have to equal scary. You can certainly choose to make it scary. You can choose to go back to that time when it was scary. Remember all the ways it made you feel. Think and ruminate obsessively over the dangers. And talk yourself into being terrified of bikes.

Or, you can jump on and not give a shit and just ride that bike. Then you can play and do wheelies and go all over your neighborhood.

It's similar with a lot of feelings. Not every single feeling and every single experience. But for a lot of things you do have a choice. I kind of feel like crying from happiness every time I eat french fries. I don't. But I can certainly choose not to let it hit me like that because I'm in public or at the library or in a restroom eating french fries. And people don't need to see me be a sappy mess.

If you're like, "I made a good pizza last night" and your friend is like, "I got a handjob from Gordon Ramsey while he fed me pizza and gave me his recipe book and I made Wolfgang Puck cry from my awesome cooking" and everyone starts paying attention to him, then good. You got what you wanted. You shared your opinion. You know your friend is going to do that. They want or need attention or validation or may be going through their own shit or may just not know how to communicate and have ADHD or autism and is infodumping or is socially awkward or who knows. But that's how they act. Every. Single. Time.

So now you have a choice of how you choose to take it in. You can go in being afraid of that interaction, or disappointed by that action, or let yourself get hit by that action. But you know it's coming. Or, you can let it be something you're having fun with. It's hilarious. Keep a score card. Mess with him back. "I got a pizza." "I got an HJ from Gordon." "Oh, was that your first time?" Or just laugh it off. Because you know it's coming. I have that with friends sometimes when they do their silly things.

In improv, the term is called "Classic Jerry." Jerry is going to do the Jerry thing every time like fart when he's nervous or scream "boner" really loud when asked to do a math problem. Classic Jerry. Jerry is the weird one. And in the scene we're the one who gets laughs because we allow ourselves to fall for it and be led around by Jerry every single time. We, in turn, become the fools by being Jerry's companion. And it's comedy all around. In real life, we remove ourselves from those Jerry's if they're really irritating. Or, we surround ourselves with them and appreciate them in all their Jerryness and laugh at ourselves for putting ourselves next to Jerry. Kind of like how Tommy Wiseau is a maniac, but Greg Sestero has a sense of humor working with him because he knows what he's getting into and he knows it's his choice.

Most people when they one up you generally aren't thinking about you. In fact, most people are just not thinking about you in general. They're probably just excited to talk about whatever and be a part of the conversation and not feel excluded and share and that's what they do. They're not actively trying to diminish your accomplishments or even framing it like that in their heads. If they are, have a serious talk with them, but most people I know who do that are just trying to be included because they may not feel as valuable. So you can have some compassion and grace for that and help them feel that and use that moment not to take it as hurt, but to see an opportunity to help someone who needs to be heard. With awareness, you have a choice.

Also, some people don't have to be the people you share things with or get your validation from. Find those friends who are good at that. Not every friend or colleague or coworker is a one-size-fits-all. People can bring different things to you and if you find they're not giving you something you might like from them, then you know they're not going to be the one to give it to you. He's the "one upsmanship" guy. Your other buddy is the "listen, mirror, empathize, validate" guy. Your other buddy is the "let's go bungee jumping and bro out but not get too deep" guy. Not everyone can be a catch all for everything, even our spouses or significant others. Find your friend who is there to listen to your accomplishments or be that person for yourself. And next time you run into one-upsmanship guy, just wait for it to happen and make a funny sound in your head. Maybe that party horn sound. And it'll be awesome every time you hear it.