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Tittle42 t1_j9ta2yp wrote

You can ask if people have kids. It’s the 10 questions after I say no that are the problem

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illessen t1_j9uhy4o wrote

Are you trying?

Do you want kids?

Why don’t you want them?

Do you know what you’re missing by not having kids?

Why don’t you give it a shot, you’ll love it?

Do you hate your mother?

Why are you so mean and not giving me grandkids?

Quick! Someone think of 3 more!

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Tittle42 t1_j9uj067 wrote

Don’t you think you will change your mind?

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illessen t1_j9ujwvx wrote

I always thought that one was for people getting a vasectomy but I can see it that way too. But it did give me another question idea.

You’re not getting any younger you know?

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cippopotomas t1_j9svlbf wrote

You never know what their pet journey might be either. Their only pet ever could've died the day before for all you know.

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FlamingoWalrus89 t1_j9sw0ct wrote

LPT: Never assume people want or don't want kids. Also, people can be really put off when asked to give a glimpse into their home life, so don't ask anything about their current home situation (including pets). Ask broader questions when first meeting them. "Have you always lived around here? What do you do for fun? Seen any good shows lately?".

Asking about pets forces the person to share facts about their personal life, or risk looking like an asshole for choosing not to (because pets seem so harmless, and mostly are, but also deeply personal).

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sickofbasil t1_j9xm1jx wrote

I agree wholeheartedly with not assuming what people want re kids.... But I really disagree with not asking people about their lives. Any question can be off-putting to the wrong person, but chitchat is how humans meet and get to know other humans. It is a normal and healthy way to bond and build trust. If you're uncomfortable discussing basic things, then you either need to learn to politely say "I'm not comfortable talking about that" or stop meeting new people.

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FlamingoWalrus89 t1_j9y56fg wrote

You're right. I was viewing this post entirely from a professional lens, and I didn't even realize it until now. That's actually kind of disturbing that my brain basically forgot that humans can meet other humans for purposes other than building a professional relationship (fuck, I need a vacation).

You're 100% right and my comments look pretty ridiculous now lol.

Edit: I've done a few work trips lately and always enjoy chit-chating with people I meet at the airport or in the plane. But this is all just friendly small talk, not the foundation of a new friendship. My mind went to all the new people I've met, and all were clients, colleagues, vendors, or these fleeting moments with another passenger on a trip. Still, it's sad that my mind went to these examples only. But, with those kinds of interactions in mind, I think my opinion still stands.

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Informal_Ad3771 t1_j9szc5n wrote

They may not have the disposable income for shows, or they might be homeless. No reason to shame people for that.

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Oceans212 t1_j9vkx01 wrote

Ask about kids, completely normal question. If they say no then don’t ask a follow-up about it. If asking if they have kids ‘triggers’ them, they are the 5% oddball not you.

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tumblrout t1_j9svik6 wrote

Learned it the hard way. They showed up in a big suv, couple in their late 30s. Asked me to hop on in, and my first question was, "where are the kids". It was an awkwardly quiet 20-minute drive.

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incasesheisonheretoo t1_j9w50pb wrote

This is almost as awkward as when a woman truly looks pregnant and you ask when she’s due only to find out she isn’t pregnant

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Informal_Ad3771 t1_j9sz2rc wrote

Also don't ask about job, health, holidays, hobbies, interests, school, or anything personal. Respect their journeys and don't hurt people! The weather is a good subject,but only in temperate climates. They may have been through a hurricane or tsunami journey.

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heidiheilig t1_j9vq6fi wrote

I have kids myself, and when we’re out and about, people often ask me about them to make conversation. After I talk for a while, I like to segue away from myself by asking “do you have kids in your own life, or do you get to have hobbies and vacations?” It’s always been received well, because people can talk about their own kids or niblings/relatives, or share other fun stories that are not kid related.

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incasesheisonheretoo t1_j9w4ojc wrote

Don’t ask any personal questions when you meet new people. Keep all questions general and let them share whatever they’re comfortable sharing. Talk about yourself or the surroundings/event and let them open up at their own pace.

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keepthetips t1_j9st4bh wrote

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

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Skyblacker t1_j9wqxvy wrote

In the US at least, isn't it most common to ask, "What do you do?" (occupation)

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oldmanbarbaroza t1_j9stl9e wrote

Na...I don't care about pets.. unless They have ferrets..the question about having kids is asked because I have kids..we/I like to compare notes about kids..

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marichial_berthier t1_j9sv36t wrote

Fertility journey? I need to know if you have a bunch of rug rats or not so I can dip

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Pudding_Hero t1_j9wmjg4 wrote

Well like. Are you trying to hang out with their kids or what? Why even mention them

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iliveoffofbagels t1_j9wwpam wrote

When meeting new people, don't ask if they have pets, instead ask if they have kids.

You never know if their pets just passed away

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